Sai: "I'm sorry.."
Bhadz: "Why?" (Bakit?)
Sai: "..for what happened in the past.." (dun sa nangyare..)
Bhadz: "For when you left me or for when you didn't come back?" (Alin dun, yung iniwan mo ako o yung hindi mo ako binalikan?)
The movie The Labyrinth taught us to be careful of what we wish for, for it may come true..
Flashback. The year was 2003, I was riding a jeepney on my way to Gastambide. My friend Dana (not her real name) told me that her boyfriend believes in signs and that she was his wish come true. Now, all of you knew I am not the romantic type of person, although I sometimes tend to get cheesy and mushy. Anyways, I tried, out of the blue, to wish for someone to come into my life and make me feel special and loved. Yes, I was thinking about that inside the jeepney.
My wish came true when I met Leon (not his real name) shortly thereafter. He's a friend of Dana's boyfriend, Greg (not his real name) and my type of guy: tall and kinda skinny, like those bishounens in the mangas.. He was my wish come true..or so I thought..
I went to our province to open a small business with my elder brother and another friend; there I met Bhadz (again, not his real name). Bhadz is the son of my friend's parents' tenant. Queenie (also not her real name) introduced us one day when I went to her house. I forgot the reason why I went to see her, but then again, she always calls for me even if there wasn't any. Queenie's like a big sister to both me and my elder brother, so I didn't really mind being called for just because of a whim. Bhadz is a good looking guy. He turns every girl's head every time he passes by or they pass him by, but I'm no every girl, so I never turned my head to him.
I was comfortable being friends with him since I wasn't attracted to him and I assumed he wasn't to me either. I had self-esteem issues, and I was never wooed until late 2001. I was a late bloomer, and I even thought I was a lesbian, but that's another story. In a short period of time, we became the best of friends. I told him about Leon and my attraction to him, my sort of meshed-up future plans, my years spent in the province, my college days. He in turn told me about his ex-domestic partner and his son, how she broke his heart and trust, how his stepmom hates him, his nomadic life, his college days (we're from the same university, who would've thought?). We told each others' stories by the boulevard, while chugging bottles of beer, and inhaling cancer sticks. Little did I know, he had fallen for me..
2.27.2010
2.06.2010
I Hate Love..
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. And I must admit that no matter how hard I am pushing you away I just can't find any reason to not to love you at all. I hate that I love you so." - Neil Gaiman
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