Abbee may be right.. Happiness is something far-fetched for me..
Have you ever felt so empty?
"Abandon all hope ye who enters here," in bold neon sign I see..
Surrender..
3.26.2010
3.21.2010
I can't breathe.. Those were my thoughts as I got overwhelmed by emotions. Cry, Sai, cry.. I commanded myself, but not a single tear fell.
My roller-coaster ride had just ended, I should have felt unburdened. The sigh I would have let out was that of relief, but it was not. I had to inhale deeply just so I could breathe. I felt my lungs constricting, I felt like drowning.
I felt too numb to cry. Ironically, I felt the stabbing pain in my chest, the piercing in my heart.
My roller-coaster ride had just ended, I should have felt unburdened. The sigh I would have let out was that of relief, but it was not. I had to inhale deeply just so I could breathe. I felt my lungs constricting, I felt like drowning.
I felt too numb to cry. Ironically, I felt the stabbing pain in my chest, the piercing in my heart.
3.09.2010
Everything You Want
I have loved this song for almost a decade now and when I learned how the songwriter was able to come up with the song, I grew more attached to it as I have felt the same way he felt with my beau. It hurts to be in that kind of situation. It was like having your heart shattered into pieces and each broken part splinters another. What pained me even more was when he told me I cannot afford to help him. It was like a being slapped on the face..
Matt Scannell: "I was basically in love with this beautifully complex and crazy person who could see everything around her except for the thing that could actually help her. And I just thought of a sort of tormented, glasses-half-empty person who was in pain about a bunch of things that had happened to her in her life, and always wound up looking to the wrong places to find solace and to find help. And then when that was over, she would just be emptier than she was before. And I could just see her kind of sinking. And it was written out of frustration, it was written out of sadness, and from my perspective, a sense of wishing that she would turn to me, and to realize that I wanted to help her in ways that maybe she couldn't see as it being what she really needed. And she never did. So in the last chorus is really that chance that I had to say, 'Hey, look – enough. I love you. I can help you, but I don't mean anything to you at all.' I've always tried to steer clear of nailing the meaning of the song too far on the head. But if you're asking me directly, that's really where it came from. Yeah."
Matt Scannell: "I was basically in love with this beautifully complex and crazy person who could see everything around her except for the thing that could actually help her. And I just thought of a sort of tormented, glasses-half-empty person who was in pain about a bunch of things that had happened to her in her life, and always wound up looking to the wrong places to find solace and to find help. And then when that was over, she would just be emptier than she was before. And I could just see her kind of sinking. And it was written out of frustration, it was written out of sadness, and from my perspective, a sense of wishing that she would turn to me, and to realize that I wanted to help her in ways that maybe she couldn't see as it being what she really needed. And she never did. So in the last chorus is really that chance that I had to say, 'Hey, look – enough. I love you. I can help you, but I don't mean anything to you at all.' I've always tried to steer clear of nailing the meaning of the song too far on the head. But if you're asking me directly, that's really where it came from. Yeah."
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