I'm an avid fan of Diablo and Resident Evil. I love survival horror games. ^_^
1.10.2011
When I quoted an excerpt from Bedroom Blog By Veronica, I meant it.
When I received the news of my father passing away, ITT Guy was there for me. He hugged me and held me in his arms that day. He listened to me blab and yap about my frustrations and disappointments to my own family. I let some skeletons in my closet out for him to see, I hung my dirty laundry in front of him; however, I still wasn't able to show him how weak I can become. Maybe because he's not my boyfriend, or maybe because I just don't want to appear vulnerable to him. Maybe I'm still not ready to collapse the walls I built around myself altogether.
When my Tita died, my then boyfriend told me to come back here in the US as soon as we bury her body. When I told him about how our relatives were harassing us and how my dad got almost stabbed by his brother-in-law, my ex's reaction was, he has his own problems to deal with. I am not a typical lass. I yap and blab just to get things out of my system, and then after that I'm okay. I don't demand much from my boyfriend other than a shoulder to cry to whenever I get too overwhelmed by emotions, and an ear to listen to me, I don't even give a shit if all I said will enter one ear and exit to the other.
When I had my car accident, my bf that time looked like he doesn't care. He didn't even check on me. I have to be strong for myself. My mum was more concern about the car insurance premium going up and the ER and paramedic fee. ITT Guy, visited me when I got hospitalised last summer. He was texting me the whole time asking me how I was. He even offered me ridiculous proposals to help me out with my hospital bills/health insurance coverage which I had to turn down.
Maybe the fact that he's not my boyfriend helps, since I don't have to expect much from him, I won't get too upset when he won't be able to deliver my demands. Perhaps this kind of set-up is better, and I won't have to worry about fidelity even. Plus, I don't think he's the one I'm looking for, because all the hurt I felt is still here, it didn't go away.
"Whenever I think of having a boyfriend, I dream of having someone I can afford to be weak to, someone who’s strong enough for both of us, so that I can be weak even for just a while, put down my armor and just let go. I want someone who won’t change, from the time he met me till the time we die—that he’d always care. I want someone consistent. I want someone who’ll show me that love doesn’t always mean waiting in vain. I want someone witty because I want us to laugh all the time. I'd meet that someone someday and I’ll be so happy I wouldn’t remember all the hurt I’ve been through lately. Because love finds the person, not otherwise."
When I received the news of my father passing away, ITT Guy was there for me. He hugged me and held me in his arms that day. He listened to me blab and yap about my frustrations and disappointments to my own family. I let some skeletons in my closet out for him to see, I hung my dirty laundry in front of him; however, I still wasn't able to show him how weak I can become. Maybe because he's not my boyfriend, or maybe because I just don't want to appear vulnerable to him. Maybe I'm still not ready to collapse the walls I built around myself altogether.
When my Tita died, my then boyfriend told me to come back here in the US as soon as we bury her body. When I told him about how our relatives were harassing us and how my dad got almost stabbed by his brother-in-law, my ex's reaction was, he has his own problems to deal with. I am not a typical lass. I yap and blab just to get things out of my system, and then after that I'm okay. I don't demand much from my boyfriend other than a shoulder to cry to whenever I get too overwhelmed by emotions, and an ear to listen to me, I don't even give a shit if all I said will enter one ear and exit to the other.
When I had my car accident, my bf that time looked like he doesn't care. He didn't even check on me. I have to be strong for myself. My mum was more concern about the car insurance premium going up and the ER and paramedic fee. ITT Guy, visited me when I got hospitalised last summer. He was texting me the whole time asking me how I was. He even offered me ridiculous proposals to help me out with my hospital bills/health insurance coverage which I had to turn down.
Maybe the fact that he's not my boyfriend helps, since I don't have to expect much from him, I won't get too upset when he won't be able to deliver my demands. Perhaps this kind of set-up is better, and I won't have to worry about fidelity even. Plus, I don't think he's the one I'm looking for, because all the hurt I felt is still here, it didn't go away.
Requiescat In Pace?
'Twas Saturday morning, PST, when I got the phone call from my elder bro. Our dad passed away after a day or two in diabetic coma. My first thought was concern for my elder bro because he was in shock and he kept on crying. After all those years of verbal and physical abuse we got from our dad, not a single thread of fondness was left in my proverbial heart for him.
After some pondering, I realised what a cold-hearted bitch I was. I haven't talked to my dad for quite some time now, maybe almost a year even. He didn't know I got into a car accident last year, and the last thing I told him was I don't give a damn about him anymore. I chose not to talk to him because he had this tendency to suck other people into misery. I even ranted about it a week or so ago.
I feel bad for myself. Until this very moment, I chose to be selfish.
After some pondering, I realised what a cold-hearted bitch I was. I haven't talked to my dad for quite some time now, maybe almost a year even. He didn't know I got into a car accident last year, and the last thing I told him was I don't give a damn about him anymore. I chose not to talk to him because he had this tendency to suck other people into misery. I even ranted about it a week or so ago.
I feel bad for myself. Until this very moment, I chose to be selfish.
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