Friends With Benefits

I just finished watching the foreign flick "Y Tu Mama Tambien", my reaction to the movie led me to remember my conversation with my grandfather's third cousin two years ago.It's not related to the movie, really. My feeling sad and sorry for the friendship lost is. That's why I promised to myself that I won't step over the line of friendship.

Aunt Vi (that's what she wants us to call her) and I met for the first time on her nephew's wedding, she practically lived her life in the US. She invited me for a chat the following week at her brother's house where she stayed while she's in the Philippines. That weekend, I complied to her request.I found her setting up the videoke mic thingy when I arrived. She said she wants us to sing some songs while "bonding", she called for the maid to serve us the snacks. The first song she sang was "I Finally Found Someone" by Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams, then "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene. After the song was finished, she talked to me. With eyes looking straight at mine she said, "You remind me so much of myself. That song was for you."

"Me? Why?" I asked.

"I can see it through your eyes, but I won't tell you why..." then she smiled the I-know-something-but-I-won't-tell-you smile. After two sips of sugarcane juice she said, "Go on dear, don't be shy, ask me why I didn't marry until I reached the age of 58." The old lady knew what's in my mind, and she must have read the disbelief written on my face so she went on. "I was and still is a woman of the world. I love myself first before others. I love my career and my freedom. Have you seen the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces?"

"No, not yet. But I heard Barbra and her leading man married for company's sake."

"Yes, they got married because they don't want to grow old alone. And that my dear is my reason."

"You didn't marry because you love your husband?"

"Oh no, don't get me wrong. I love him but in a different way. I love him as a friend, and mind you deary, a friend's love for another is deeper than that of a lover's. He was first my friend before he became my lover, just like the other male friends I have, and they are still my very best friends."

"Ha---how? A-a-a--I mean they are your friends."

"Friendship is the best foundation. Besides it's more comfortable having a sexual affair with your friend than with a complete stranger."

"Did you...ahermn..."

"Did I what? Have sex with all my male friends? Yes. My first kiss was with a male friend at a friend's house. He has a girlfriend and I know her, but there's an attraction between us, we can't help it. And the first person I've given a head was a friend too, and I know his girl friend too, we sometimes shop together. Surely you're familiar with physical attraction, yes?"

"Yes, of course." I felt so scandalized. I may liberated, sort of, but my morality regarding friendship is very different from Aunt Vi.

"You befriend a person from the opposite sex because you were first attracted to them. Do you have an ugly guy friend?"

"Yes."

"Really? I'm betting he became your friend because he's a friend of a friend."

"Yes."

"See? My husband, he was my crush at the hospital, when he invited me out the first time I went with him. He was married twice, once widowed, once divorced, he had four children. We were friends for so long. But, I only sleep with him whenever he's free, meaning if he's not married. I don't sleep with married men. That's why I just sleep with male friends, even if they have girlfriends, because I know for sure that they are not married."

"Did you ever had an argument or a misunderstanding with any of them?"

"Of course. It's normal, dear. But our sexual affair and friendship didn't get in the way. It's just a casual thing, a part of the bargain of being friends."

"Your friends knew they were sharing the same uhm..."

"Mistress? Yes."

"And it's fine with them?"

"They are being loved equally, why would they get mad? I know dear... You can't believe what I'm telling you now, but that's the truth. What are the benefits of having friends? Having someone to cry and laugh with, someone to be beside with, someone to give you c-o-m-f-o-r-t, and sometimes giving comfort meant being too personal and intimate, from a very simple kiss and hug to making love. I understand you too have lots of male friends, haven't you? History has a very funny way of repeating itself my dear. Come on, let's sing some more, it's your turn now."