One of my exes pm-ed me this morning, let's call him Death Knight, we said our "hellos" and "how-are-you's"..(pleasantries, in short, why didn't I think of that word in the first place?)
I asked him if I stroke (past tense of strike, right?) him as a "shy-type" of person, since there were three (3) persons who told me I am (shy, duh..) guys to be precise. First guy was Goofy (ugh! I can't think of a different name, besides that was his MySpace nick), who asked me if I was ever asked about my opinion, to which I said, I'm a very opinionated person and I stand firm to it. I'd argue if it's worth it; however, I'm also a snob who'd rather shut my trap than to waste my breath on something petty. Second was, Lord Kink (along with his godbrother, I know I blush but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm shy, dammit!). And last was Cryptic Knightwalker (wazzup with guys and being knights?! no offence to my elder brother, Sprocken Knight, lol!).. Anyhoo, Death Knight said I gave the impression that I am (shy), BUT I AM REALLY NOT. LOL!
Then he asked me, "remember that night when we first met at Zoom (it's a bar and billiards hall at the university belt along Recto) ..?" I said yes and he went on, "Vinx (his friend from HS who's my friend's xgf's current bf, magulo ba? =P) asked us.."
I remembered it and typed and sent a pm at the same time as he did.
UR: "is there a wall between the two of you?"
DK: "is there a barrier between you two? and he motioned his hands"
I remembered that night. Still kinda vivid. I told him that, and that I remembered I was sitting across him at first, I just can't remember how he got to sit next to me. He said because we're gonna start our session (mamam/drinking) that he moved to the seat next to mine which was absurd. We can effin' drink with him sitting across me, and I thought I was the one who moved next to where he was sitting. Hmmmnn.. Going back, he said he and his HS friends, Vinx included, went to Cubao and the place they went to reminded him of Zoom because of the scent of the burnt cigarettes, of the ashes, and of the beer foam.
I told him I now only paint my toe nails red, I don't paint it purple or any other dark-colored polish anymore. He asked what kind of red (if it's maroon-ish, we both like that color), I told him it's bloody red. He said it suits me and my pretty toes (LOL!). I told him I still don't fancy painting my finger nails, he said he doesn't like painted fingernails and that he tells his current girlfriend not to (aye, we're cool like that). We had a lot of things in common when we were still together, or a lot of things that we agree on. We both love the color maroon, dark-colored toe nail polish, open-toed sandals for me to wear, we both love wearing boxer shorts, and so on.
He asked me why am I not seeing a Filipino. If I don't like Filipinos anymore. I told him that most Filipinos won't be able to ride the wave of my kinkiness. He asked me if I'm now kinkier than when we were together. I LOL-ed and asked if I was already kinky when we met and he said I was. I never really thought of myself as kinky until I got to know Kink Gurl. I told him I'm a freak that I fantasize about a role-reversal sex, doing a guy with a strap-on up their bung holes, and I freaked him out, as expected from Filipinos. "Len, it's dirty! And who would agree to that?" (he still calls me by my nickname, uhm..one of it, gawd! why do people call me by different names, I wonder..?!) I told him about this kid from NYC (he's 19 years old, but that doesn't make me a pedobear!) who asked me to. He's Spartan-Sicilian (not Italian, since Sicily's only been a part of Italy recently) and what's great about guys from these parts of the world is they are bi-adventurous. They are not dictated by the societal stereotyping and shites. They can have sex with any gender they felt the urge to do it with. No gender-bias. Until Christianity reached them and ruined that mind-set. (LOL la vie boheme!)
He said thank goodness I wasn't this kinky when we were still together. When we were together I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him, I always froze whenever he tries to. When we were together, I think the penis was icky since the tube (tract, as corrected by Lord Kink when we were talking) where the urine and semen pass through was one and the same. I won't even give him a hand job even if he begged. I haven't realised that unoxygenated urine is still "clean" back then (that's why water sports and golden showers are still a no-no!).
A lot of things have changed in the past five (5) years. I was, like most of the girls, idealistic. I dreamt and/or imagined what my dream wedding would be. I wanted to have three (3) children, own a house, a car, be a career woman and a better parent than my parents were..all of it were now a distant past.. I no longer long to get married nor have children.. It dawned on me that being responsible for another life is too much of a hassle and my conscience won't let me forgive myself if I will take that life for granted, may it be my would-be child or my would-be husband. The idea of being accountable for another life now dreads me! One of my co-workers recently got married but I didn't feel that familiar tinge of jealousy and envy whenever I watch a tear-jerking romantic movie. Another co-worker is pregnant, and I felt happy for her, but I still didn't feel that longing to have one of my own too. My old dreams just crumbled and reduced to nothingness like that in five (5) years..Wow..
No comments:
Post a Comment