I am my parents' daughter..

On Thursday night, brother bear called me. During our conversation, he told me that our Mum told her sister-in-law that she feels unhappy, her sister-in-law then told him that. I have been having this feeling of malcontent as well. I feel like a failure, and it's depressing. My dada battled with depression as well, and I saw how awful it was. I am surrounded by people, and yet, I feel so alone and lonely.


The Thrill of the Asses: Assholes vs Jackasses

I think there are two types of guys who can rock a girl’s world. First, there’s the Assholes of this world. They have the fucking power to make girls their "doormats" when, as far as justice is concerned, it's the faces of these guys that deserve a good stomping. Yes, I’m talking from experience.

You only get to see them once in a while; just on those days when it is more convenient for them than for you. They subtly let you work around their schedule. They show you a good time, sweep you off your feet, and promise to call but never do. When they do call, they often give you a vague explanation, if there’s even any. You put on your best shoes and go giddy as you both paint the town red only a few times, and yet you remember it for a lifetime. And when they feel that the wheels of your poor, hoping heart have shifted dramatically and you start to show the slightest indication of falling in love (or you emit some girlfriend vibes they begin to sense), they go cold turkey as you turn mother hen.

They treat you terribly. You wonder what went wrong. He gives you back-to-back rain checks while you start defending him to your friends. This could go on for months, yet you still want the *sshole. With all the things I have learned in the past years, I wonder what it is that makes them such nice girl magnets.

Is it because some women like the thrill of the chase as much as the chill of the case? Is it because some women unconsciously enjoy being treated like a doormat? Or is it because we want that sense of uncertainty...the rush that comes with living on the edge? We love to relive the magic that comes with affairs to remember—the cold nights, the red wine, and the deep, dark secrets whispered on nights that happened once but echoed for eternity.

These are the guys who can rock your world and your boat silly. They rock you once and leave you shaken, wanting to hit your head on a rock or down yourself with vodka on the rocks. And the sad part is that you never, ever learn until you have hit rock-bottom.

The second type of guy who can rock a girl’s world is the jackass—the nice guy with a hint of flair. Guys like this are the Ted Mosbys of this world. While some are not as creative and downright romantic as Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother, they are the ones who are constant: dense but constant, patient, and subtle. Despite the silent protests, they will try to do the requests of girls who fall on the Hot-Crazy Scale, as explained by Barney Stinson. At first, you might think that they’re doing it because they are too nice to complain, but in the process, they help you change for the better without you even knowing it.

There’s that sense of magic in how they seem to fit perfectly in your life, which makes everyone—including your family—connive to make you realize what a perfect couple you’d make. You love the excitement that comes with the fact that you don’t always know how in the world they were able to coax you into doing things you don’t normally do. They’re the kind you can introduce to your parents, knowing that your Mom would invite him again for dinner; the kind you can introduce to your friends, knowing he’d survive a round of drinking spree and not-so-subtle interrogation; and the kind who can screw your brains out in bed—a fact that you wouldn’t buy easily until you’ve had the first taste test.

This is the kind of guy who can not only rock your world but can shake you hard enough to rearrange your mindset.

Now, it’s up to you which one to choose to be insanely in love with—the Asshole or the Jackass. I have realized that love is, in fact, a decision. Remember what I wrote in before, when I questioned if it’s really love if you say goodbye without leaving, and decided that we have no control over who to love? I was so young back then, and so wrong. Falling in love at 23 seems so juvenile when I compare it to my present situation and point-of-view.

Now, I’m not saying that the relationships of young people are a joke, so spare me the false scrutiny. What I’m trying to say is, as you grow older, your perception of things changes. At 23, I thought that love was simply an emotion that you couldn’t define or control. But now, at 25, regardless of who you choose—whether you return to the Asshole who keeps hurting you or run to the one who will give you not just love but also the respect you deserve—love is still a decision to make. Even if you say you can’t control it, you always have a choice. It’s still your decision if you want to pursue something vague.

I’ve learned that love is a decision.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

are you kidding?! who wants to grow up?! *roflmao*

No holds barred..Ask me if you dare..

You've invented a time portal that allows you to observe only one day in history. Which day would you observe?

tough one.. but since vanity is one of my flaws, the day I am crawling out of my mother's womb so I could cheer myself into kicking my way out of it. Yes, I am a breech baby, but not a footling. LOL

No holds barred..Ask me if you dare..

Food, glorious food! Name one snack or other food that you would consider your "guilty pleasure".

I will reiterate it again and again. Pleasure IS pleasure, no need to be guilty of it!! LOL

and.. food, like sex, is one of the two greatest pleasures in the world, hence I love food and sex. ^_^

to answer your question, I enjoy all kinds of food, nothing specific pops in my head right now.

No holds barred..Ask me if you dare..


Do you play any video games? If so, what exactly?

I'm an avid fan of Diablo and Resident Evil. I love survival horror games. ^_^

No holds barred..Ask me if you dare..


When I quoted an excerpt from Bedroom Blog By Veronica, I meant it.

"Whenever I think of having a boyfriend, I dream of having someone I can afford to be weak to, someone who’s strong enough for both of us, so that I can be weak even for just a while, put down my armor and just let go. I want someone who won’t change, from the time he met me till the time we die—that he’d always care. I want someone consistent. I want someone who’ll show me that love doesn’t always mean waiting in vain. I want someone witty because I want us to laugh all the time. I'd meet that someone someday and I’ll be so happy I wouldn’t remember all the hurt I’ve been through lately. Because love finds the person, not otherwise."

When I received the news of my father passing away, ITT Guy was there for me. He hugged me and held me in his arms that day. He listened to me blab and yap about my frustrations and disappointments to my own family. I let some skeletons in my closet out for him to see, I hung my dirty laundry in front of him; however, I still wasn't able to show him how weak I can become. Maybe because he's not my boyfriend, or maybe because I just don't want to appear vulnerable to him. Maybe I'm still not ready to collapse the walls I built around myself altogether.

When my Tita died, my then boyfriend told me to come back here in the US as soon as we bury her body. When I told him about how our relatives were harassing us and how my dad got almost stabbed by his brother-in-law, my ex's reaction was, he has his own problems to deal with. I am not a typical lass. I yap and blab just to get things out of my system, and then after that I'm okay. I don't demand much from my boyfriend other than a shoulder to cry to whenever I get too overwhelmed by emotions, and an ear to listen to me, I don't even give a shit if all I said will enter one ear and exit to the other.

When I had my car accident, my bf that time looked like he doesn't care. He didn't even check on me. I have to be strong for myself. My mum was more concern about the car insurance premium going up and the ER and paramedic fee. ITT Guy, visited me when I got hospitalised last summer. He was texting me the whole time asking me how I was. He even offered me ridiculous proposals to help me out with my hospital bills/health insurance coverage which I had to turn down.

Maybe the fact that he's not my boyfriend helps, since I don't have to expect much from him, I won't get too upset when he won't be able to deliver my demands. Perhaps this kind of set-up is better, and I won't have to worry about fidelity even. Plus, I don't think he's the one I'm looking for, because all the hurt I felt is still here, it didn't go away.

Requiescat In Pace?

'Twas Saturday morning, PST, when I got the phone call from my elder bro. Our dad passed away after a day or two in diabetic coma. My first thought was concern for my elder bro because he was in shock and he kept on crying. After all those years of verbal and physical abuse we got from our dad, not a single thread of fondness was left in my proverbial heart for him.

After some pondering, I realised what a cold-hearted bitch I was. I haven't talked to my dad for quite some time now, maybe almost a year even. He didn't know I got into a car accident last year, and the last thing I told him was I don't give a damn about him anymore. I chose not to talk to him because he had this tendency to suck other people into misery. I even ranted about it a week or so ago.

I feel bad for myself. Until this very moment, I chose to be selfish.


Lucky Bastard

"I like men who can express their love like this and still be as sincere after a long boring time..." - JollyRancher

According to JollyRancher, this poignant writing was written by Russel Brand, a British comedian (a favorite of mine, I might add) who starred in Get It On the Greek opposite another favorite comedian, Jonah Hill.