5.31.2009

A Hundred Songs That ______ My Life

Aye, OJ, I'm making me list because I can't just shrug off your challenge. . Lol! J/K. Making this list was really difficult, not hard since I don't get uhm..hard, because there are a lot of songs that had a great impact (impakto in Jap, LOL!) in my life and I can only choose 100.

On Baddie's (OJ's friend where he got the "meme") entry, he got the idea from Peyton Sawyer of One Tree Hill.


"
Music always helps, no matter what you’re going through. So, if you flunk a big test, or you had a really bad breakup, or you just miss someone so bad, it hurts, then listen to my playlist. A hundred songs to save your life. And it should help."

I have no plans of getting married nor having children in the future, but since not everything goes according to my plan, I guess I'll make my own time capsule and include this 100 songs. (Addendum: “Sometimes, no matter how carefully you plan your playlist, there is no right track for what awaits you.” - Definitely Maybe) This selection somehow reflects my "girlie" side and "denied-romanticism", list includes OPM, J-pop, British invasion, and what-nots. Quoting Liyam, "I chew on them judges," so don't be one, if you don't wanna be chewed on that is.



>>>>> rough-draft of a letter/note to my would-be offspring <<<<<


Dear kid(s),


As you're reading this, I may or may not be around to share your life's journey with you. A wise man once told me that "death is certain; life is not," and I had music to accompany me through my emotional roller coaster ride in this uncertainty. If I could, I would have compiled these random songs in order just so it would appear as if it's somewhat biographical, a story of my life before your conception, but since I'm or was a kind of person who takes great interest into something one moment then lose it the next, this list won't come into fruition by doing so. And now, my dear child(ren), without further ado, and a wish that you'd know me better than I could have ever shown you, here it is, Mumsie's melodies of life..


1.
At The Beginning by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis
2.
Lose Yourself by Eminem
3.
Tainted Love by Soft Cell
4.
If You’re Gone by Matchbox 20
5.
Somewhere Out There by Our Lady of Peace
6.
Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla
7.
The Freshman by The Verve Pipe
8.
Deep by Binocular
9. Mad World by Tears For Fears
10.
Melt With You by Modern English
11.
How Do You Talk To An Angel by The Heights
12.
Plush by Stone Temple Pilots
13.
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
14.
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
15.
Breakfast At Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something
16.
Long December by Counting Crows
17.
I Don’t Want To Wait by Paula Cole
18.
Be Like That by 3 Doors Down
19.
Two Princes by Spin Doctors
20.
I Would Do Everything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) by Meatloaf
21.
Creep by Radiohead
22.
Fixing A Broken Heart by Indecent Obsession
23.
Two Steps Behind by Def Leppard
24.
To Be With You by Mr. Big
25.
Baby I’m A-Want You by Bread
26.
How Can I Fall by Breathe
27.
Starlight by Muse
28.
Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon
29.
Daughter by Pearl Jam
30.
Someone's Waiting For You – The Rescuers OST
31.
Eyes On Me by Faye Wong
32.
Waiting In Vain by Bob Marley and the Waileys
33.
I Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones
34.
Naaalala Ka by Rey Valera
35.
You’re All I Need by White Lion
36.
Something To Say by Harem Scarem
37.
Name by Goo Goo Dolls
38.
Sick Cycle Carousel by Lifehouse
39.
Better Man by Robbie Williams
40.
Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru
41.
Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley
42.
Just The Way You Look Tonight by Tony Bennett
43.
Unforgettable by Nat King Cole
44.
Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra
45.
Runaway by The Corrs
46.
Come What May by Ewan McGregor
47.
Your Love by Alamid
48.
Ako’y Iyo At Ika’y Akin Lamang by I-Axe
49.
214 by Rivermaya
50.
Drops of Jupiter by Train
51.
Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind
52.
Somebody by Depeche Mode
53.
Fallin’ by Keahiwai
54.
Out Of Reach by Gabrielle
55.
No Such Thing by John Mayer
56.
Cool by Gwen Stephanie
57.
Take A Bow by Madonna
58.
How Soon Is Now by t.A.T.u
59.
Stigmatized by The Calling
60.
Glycerine by Bush
61.
Hemorrhage by Fuel
62.
Under The Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers
63.
Shine by Collective Soul
64.
Cryin’ by Aerosmit
65.
You Don’t Love Me Anymore by Weird Al Yankovic
66.
Sunday Morning by Maroon 5
67.
Super Proxy by Eraserheads
68.
Sa’n Na Nga Ba’ng Barkada by APO Hiking Society
69.
Inuman Na by Parokya Ni Edgar
70.
Kaleidoscope World by Francis M
71.
Time Stands Still by The All-American Rejects
72.
More Than Words by Extreme
73.
Drive by Incubus
74.
Points of Authority by Linkin Park
75.
Family Portrait by Pink
76.
When It’s Over by Sugar Ray
77.
Wasted My Time by Default
78.
Eleanor by Jet
79.
Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations
80.
Stitches and Burns by Fra Lippo Lippi
81.
Four Seasons Of Loneliness by Boyz II Men
82.
All I Have To Give by Backstreet Boys
83.
Here In My Heart by Plus One
84.
Strong Enough by Stacie Orrico
85.
Sugar, Sugar by The Archies
86.
Like A Stone by Audioslave
87.
Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks
88.
I Call You Love by Meister
89.
Tired Of Waiting by The Kinks
90.
You by The Carpenters
91.
Only Wanna Be With You by Hootie & The Blowfish
92.
Baba O’Reiley by The Who
93.
Nandito Lang Ako by Michael V.
94.
State of the Nation by Industry
95.
Linger by The Cranberries
96.
Sa’yong Mundo by Yman
97.
Kanlungan by Noel Cabangun
98.
Bizarre Love Triangel by New Order
99.
Long Road To Ruin by Foo Fighters
100.
Melodies of Life by Emiko Shiratori

5.27.2009

I took a short walk in the dog park at the back of our house a while ago.. The wind was blowing, but the temperature's just fine.. I gaze up at the starless and moonless sky.. It wasn't the same without those celestial objects, but I still found the calmness I was looking for.. I lit up a cigarette and started to ponder.. I hate being alone like that.. I can feel a certain emptiness, a void..loneliness, a longing that breaks my heart.. As my cigarette stick burned to ashes, I was still there, strolling down the dog park, still pondering.. Random things that cross my mind.. I can't seem to focus on something for a long time.. I hate routines, the monotony of my life.. I need some excitement! I need something I can't figure out what.. I have to break away from this something that's eating me alive! I don't have any idea what it is yet, not even a clue.. All I know is I'm hating my mundane life and my boring self right now.. As I'm putting the light off the second cigarette stick I puffed, I realised I'm not a smoker and that I burnt my lower lip again..

5.24.2009

Of Burnt (Cig) Butts and Beer (Foams)..*a brainstorm*

One of my exes pm-ed me this morning, let's call him Death Knight, we said our "hellos" and "how-are-you's"..(pleasantries, in short, why didn't I think of that word in the first place?)

I asked him if I stroke (past tense of strike, right?) him as a "shy-type" of person, since there were three (3) persons who told me I am (shy, duh..) guys to be precise. First guy was Goofy (ugh! I can't think of a different name, besides that was his MySpace nick), who asked me if I was ever asked about my opinion, to which I said, I'm a very opinionated person and I stand firm to it. I'd argue if it's worth it; however, I'm also a snob who'd rather shut my trap than to waste my breath on something petty. Second was, Lord Kink (along with his godbrother, I know I blush but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm shy, dammit!). And last was Cryptic Knightwalker (wazzup with guys and being knights?! no offence to my elder brother, Sprocken Knight, lol!).. Anyhoo, Death Knight said I gave the impression that I am (shy), BUT I AM REALLY NOT. LOL!

Then he asked me, "remember that night when we first met at Zoom (it's a bar and billiards hall at the university belt along Recto) ..?" I said yes and he went on, "Vinx (his friend from HS who's my friend's xgf's current bf, magulo ba? =P) asked us.."

I remembered it and typed and sent a pm at the same time as he did.

UR: "is there a wall between the two of you?"
DK: "is there a barrier between you two? and he motioned his hands"

I remembered that night. Still kinda vivid. I told him that, and that I remembered I was sitting across him at first, I just can't remember how he got to sit next to me. He said because we're gonna start our session (mamam/drinking) that he moved to the seat next to mine which was absurd. We can effin' drink with him sitting across me, and I thought I was the one who moved next to where he was sitting. Hmmmnn.. Going back, he said he and his HS friends, Vinx included, went to Cubao and the place they went to reminded him of Zoom because of the scent of the burnt cigarettes, of the ashes, and of the beer foam.

I told him I now only paint my toe nails red, I don't paint it purple or any other dark-colored polish anymore. He asked what kind of red (if it's maroon-ish, we both like that color), I told him it's bloody red. He said it suits me and my pretty toes (LOL!). I told him I still don't fancy painting my finger nails, he said he doesn't like painted fingernails and that he tells his current girlfriend not to (aye, we're cool like that). We had a lot of things in common when we were still together, or a lot of things that we agree on. We both love the color maroon, dark-colored toe nail polish, open-toed sandals for me to wear, we both love wearing boxer shorts, and so on.

He asked me why am I not seeing a Filipino. If I don't like Filipinos anymore. I told him that most Filipinos won't be able to ride the wave of my kinkiness. He asked me if I'm now kinkier than when we were together. I LOL-ed and asked if I was already kinky when we met and he said I was. I never really thought of myself as kinky until I got to know Kink Gurl. I told him I'm a freak that I fantasize about a role-reversal sex, doing a guy with a strap-on up their bung holes, and I freaked him out, as expected from Filipinos. "Len, it's dirty! And who would agree to that?" (he still calls me by my nickname, uhm..one of it, gawd! why do people call me by different names, I wonder..?!) I told him about this kid from NYC (he's 19 years old, but that doesn't make me a pedobear!) who asked me to. He's Spartan-Sicilian (not Italian, since Sicily's only been a part of Italy recently) and what's great about guys from these parts of the world is they are bi-adventurous. They are not dictated by the societal stereotyping and shites. They can have sex with any gender they felt the urge to do it with. No gender-bias. Until Christianity reached them and ruined that mind-set. (LOL la vie boheme!)

He said thank goodness I wasn't this kinky when we were still together. When we were together I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him, I always froze whenever he tries to. When we were together, I think the penis was icky since the tube (tract, as corrected by Lord Kink when we were talking) where the urine and semen pass through was one and the same. I won't even give him a hand job even if he begged. I haven't realised that unoxygenated urine is still "clean" back then (that's why water sports and golden showers are still a no-no!).

A lot of things have changed in the past five (5) years. I was, like most of the girls, idealistic. I dreamt and/or imagined what my dream wedding would be. I wanted to have three (3) children, own a house, a car, be a career woman and a better parent than my parents were..all of it were now a distant past.. I no longer long to get married nor have children.. It dawned on me that being responsible for another life is too much of a hassle and my conscience won't let me forgive myself if I will take that life for granted, may it be my would-be child or my would-be husband. The idea of being accountable for another life now dreads me! One of my co-workers recently got married but I didn't feel that familiar tinge of jealousy and envy whenever I watch a tear-jerking romantic movie. Another co-worker is pregnant, and I felt happy for her, but I still didn't feel that longing to have one of my own too. My old dreams just crumbled and reduced to nothingness like that in five (5) years..Wow..

5.23.2009

Viva La Vie Boheme!!



excerpts from teh lyrics:


To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos,
To curry Vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,
Creation, Vacation
Mucho masturbation
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it's new
To Sontag
To Sondheim
To anything taboo

La Vie Boheme

Bisexuals, trisexuals,
Homo Sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa Carmina Burana
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel- The Sex Pistols, ABC
To no shame- Never playing the fame game
To marijuana
To sodomy
It's between God and me
To S & M

The lyrics say it all!! Will search for the lyrics of both acts. Mimi and Roger act/song should've been cut entirely.. Pffft!


Ladies and gents, I nao pwesent to yah, teh lyrics..


5.21.2009

Build Me Up Buttercup

"Always be good, baby, okay?" that's what he told me while hugging me goodbye when I was about to leave from his house from our supposedly videogame playdate, to which I replied, "I'm always good, what are you talkin' 'bout?" yes, I'm suplada (laging nanonopla) like that. He kept on with "being kinky is okay, but.." I didn't hear what he said next, I just said "okay, whatever." then got into my car. Now I wanna hit my noggin and wished I didn't do that and paid more attention to what he was saying.. The hug felt like it's gonna be the last one..it didn't feel like the usual, but I kinda shrugged it off since he texted me that he loves seeing me that Saturday night.

Last Tuesday was his birthday, so I texted him Monday night if we can go to the park the following night since our supposed playdate came to nought because his homies were there and he was an idiot who cannot set the play mode to cooperative. He sucks at playing Resident Evil 5, he sucks balls so bad I wanna snatch the control pad outta his hands like stealing candy from a kid. His godbrother finally got so tired of his gameplay that he set it to coop mode and the two of 'em played. I began watching the game intently then (I was reading Anne Rice while he was playing, that's how bad he was).. I enjoyed spending that day with and his friends albeit his farting, foul mouth, and constant whining and bitching about the game. And my annoyance and aloofness went down the drain when he changed into this "Japanese bishounen" get-up, he looks so cute I could not stop myself from giggling. Anyhoo, I texted him Monday night and found out he moved out of the house he was staying at since one of his roommates became too violent, he (gay roomie) choked him.

Of course, I became worried upon hearing the news. When I saw him before Saturday, he told me he had a rift with gay roomie the night before that gay roomie even called the cops (complaining of "domestic disturbance and abuse" he's implying they're domestic partners), but since gay roomie was the first to show animosity, the police who responded wanted to book him (gay roomie) even if he (gay roomie) was the complainant. It was a tumultuous ten (more or less) days for him. I wanted to comfort him when he told me about it, but I stopped myself, I didn't know what I am to him. All I could do was held his wounded hand (he punched the wall, he said it's better to punch the wall than his gay roomie's face) and kissed it..

I thought we're progressing into something when we exchanged text messages Monday night since he told me what happened and stuff. Tuesday came, it was his birthday, I greeted him and wished him well via text message. No reply, not even a thank you. It's cool. He already told me he has the habit of not replying to a text message if he read it too late. Today, he went online a few minutes after I texted him asking how he was. As per Ayeth's advice, I ym'ed him after an hour. I asked him how's the move, to which he replied, "It's great." I typed, "that's nice to hear." That was it. I felt a chill down my spine from the coldness of his reply in spite of the high temperature and humidity. Mike told me maybe it's just me and that he (guy I'm seeing) wasn't really being cold. But why didn't he give me his new address..? I thought, and assumed, since he told me he loves seeing me, he'd naturally give me his new address without me asking for it..

Anche was right, being in the grey area's troublesome, but I was thinking if I put myself in there. That he (guy I'm seeing) never really wanted to put me in that situation, because I was overwhelmed by his sweet nothings.. That's why I was so adamant on raising my guard whenever I'm with him. Maybe this is what La's talkin' 'bout last time on guys rendering gurls vulnerable.. I am vulnerable when I'm not in control.. My emotional roller coaster has begun..


x's: again, title was a random song from radio..

5.18.2009

Bad luck bimbos: Intelligent women have better sex, study reveals By Fiona Macrae Last updated at 1:48 AM on 12th May 2009

Beauty may bag you a man - but brains will bring you more fun in the bedroom.

Women blessed with 'emotional intelligence' - the ability to express their feelings and read those of others - have better sex lives, research shows.

Those most in touch with their feelings have twice as many orgasms as inhibited sorts, the study found.

The finding could lead to new ways of counselling the 40 per cent of women who find it difficult or impossible to enjoy sex fully.

Researcher Tim Spector of King's College London said there were definite advantages to being a touchy-feely type.

He said: 'These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom.'

Professor Spector questioned more than 2,000 female twins, aged between 18 and 83, about their sex lives.

They were asked to rate their ability to reach orgasm on a seven-point scale, ranging from 'never' to 'always'.

They also filled in a questionnaire designed to gauge their emotional intelligence and covering traits such as self expression, empathy and contentment.

Those most in touch with their feelings had the most orgasms, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also of King's College, said: 'Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.'

Emotional intelligence may also make it easier for women to fantasise while in the bedroom.

Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr said it was difficult, but not impossible, for women to lose their inhibitions.

Dr Spurr, whose books include Sizzling Sex and Fabulous Foreplay, said: 'It is not easy, the way we express ourselves is very habitual and affects our relationships and sexual relationships.

'It is not about waving a magic wand, it takes someone who is committed to learning new ways of communicating, to being open to intimacy and to putting their emotional self out there.'

Other research has concluded that foreplay adds little to a woman's overall enjoyment of sex.

The main event itself is far more important, the study found. The recent finding contradicts traditional bedroom etiquette, which dictates that men must take it slow.

More than 2,300 women were quizzed about their sex lives for the study, with questions covering the division of time between foreplay and intercourse, and how often the women had an orgasm.

The Scottish and Czech researchers said: 'In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve quality and duration of intercourse rather than foreplay.'


Sai sez: I'll type my POV on this ish later..


Sai sez: uhm.. Emo-ness is way different from being an intellectual. the author's stupid..pffft! otei, if only I'm more emotionally mature, I can haz orgasm nao..? =P

5.08.2009

My Fair Laddie ^_^



Dazed and dreamy, I stared
At your luscious lips and wished for its kiss
Raven-black hair I longed to touch and caress.
I felt like drowning in those sea-colored eyes,
Outwitted by your humor and charming mind
Unrequited love was not that hard to find.
Succumbed to primal instincts and dire needs,
Surrendered, I gave in to thee, but came to naught.


Argh! Effin' poem made no sense.. Proves that I'm not deeply in love with Zack Fair. Hmmmnn..just a deep crush then..? =P Why do you have to die, Zack..?

korneh add-on: "Why would you care, Zack Fair..?" *LOL*

5.06.2009

To Be With You (...???)

Before I even met him in person, my heart would beat fast whenever I see his replies to my e-mails or text messages. Even now that I'm typing this blog down, I still haven't came up to any conclusions yet why. Our dates, for me, were really great, I don't know if he feels the same. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel special. On our recent date, he was acting like a sweet boyfriend to his girlfriend. He would give me a peck here and there, even in front of his roommates and in the convenience store, which of course made me blush. Yes, I know I'm a freak, but I still blush like an innocent virgin.

That night he asked me, why out of all the other guys sending me private messages in the social-networking site where I met him that I chose him? I felt a little bit of insecurity in that question, I just did not mention it to him. I asked him why would he assume that there are a lot of guys sending me private messages, and he just looked at me straight in the eye, like he was saying, isn't it true? I told him I'm tired of talking to guys whose level of intelligence is below mine. At least with him, I can use highfalutin words without explaining and/or defining it afterwards. It was only half-truth. I chose him because in his profile, he said he's not looking for a romantic relationship and because he was kinky and open to anything. Right now, I'm having doubts if I misunderstood what was typed in his profile when he said he's tired of beating around the bush trying to find that one true love and he's been around and seen all BS, since he told me he's really interested in me that he wants us to take things slowly. (See, Love, I'm listening and paying attention to your mumblings while we were kissing, I just don't know how to react that I pretended not to hear a word you said..)

I know myself better. I know that once my curiosity for him is satiated, I'd just move on to another prey for another kill that's why I went out with him for something casual. I loathe the fact that he's defiant and I can't make him obey me. Not being in control frustrates me, and he's two frickin' years younger than me (although he looks and thinks older than his age which I like)! I told him I hafta end my obsession over him soon, I just didn't elaborate on why.. Crap! I can't believe I'm typing this, but I know I'd be in an emotional quicksand if I don't end it ASAP. Right now, all I can do is build more walls and maybe a moat around my emotions, and stop looking him in the eye and see how damaged he was. I feel like I was being kicked in the chest whenever I see those sad and empty eyes of his that I just wanted to hold him tight, and tell him everything would be alright and that I wanted to see him really happy. That he need not to suffer anymore..

I know you all will conclude I'm in love with this guy, my answer is no, I'm not. I just feel like my maternal instinct's kicking, that's all.. That's why I wanted to be done and over with him soon. I don't want to be attached to him any deeper than I am right now. That's why I got so pissed-off when he told me very surely and very confidently that he knows the two of us will click on our way to his house (uhm, I've had stalker issues that's why I haven't told him where I exactly live..) while I was driving that when he kissed me goodbye I froze. It made him confused too, I know, since he said, "oh, so this is how you're gonna be?" I was dumbfounded too, by what he said, but I still gave him the kiss he was asking for..



x's: I can't think of a title so, I just typed the title of the song playing in the radio. ^_^