AngatZzz!!!

dated May 29. 2004

11 AM, my mom just arrive from her work. Tired and sleepy, she asked me to drive to KFC drive-thru to buy something to eat. Having no driver's license yet, she went with me but slept on the passenger seat.

drive-thru speakerbox: good morning! what would you want for today?
me: can I just have your 3-piece chicken combo meal and your chicken popcorn combo meal?
drive-thru speakerbox: how would you like your chicken, original or crispy?
me: crispy
drive-thru speakerbox: okay. what side dishes would you like to have?
me: 2 corn cobs for the 3-piece combo and mojos for the chicken popcorn please.
drive-thru speakerbox: okay, have a nice day!

At the drive-thru window mom told me to change the side dishes, corn cobs to coleslaws, and mojos to mashed potatoes. So I asked the guy there to change it. He just said "okay", asked me if I wanted Pepsi or other kind of soda, I said Pepsi's fine, and gave me the bag. Afterwards he gave me another bag and told me my bill's $11.05. Gave him 20 bucks and he gave me my change, which I didn't bother to count. On our way home, my mom counted the change and was surprised to see a 5-dollar bill, 3 dollar bills, and 8 quarters, which means, we just paid for the food without any tax. I thought, that guy was stupid to mistook the quarter for 5 cents.

When we got home and opened the bag, we found out that the corn cobs and mojos were not replaced, and yet we still have our mashed potatoes and coleslaws. That guy's so stupid to our benefit, I told my mom. She said, maybe he was mesmerized [by me]. I was about to laugh when I noticed something... I was still wearing my usual sleeping garment! Damn! That explains why the guy from KFC's distracted. I was so embarassed... I went out wearing only a plain white cotton shirt, which was dampened by the splashes of water from brushing my teeth and washing my face, and my "boy's" underpants, and my mom haven't noticed it too until we got home and I realized what was wrong!

There I was, laughing in my mind, making fun of that "stupid" guy, when all along it was ME who's stupid...

A Friend's Story, One of the Factors Behind My Thinking About FUBU's

"I was engaged last year to the most wonderful man I've ever met. He's a gentleman in his own ways and he never demanded sex. He said, 'Why would I spoil the meat that I will later eat?' And I thought it was so sweet of him, he wanted to preserve my chastity until we're married. All was perfect and never did it cross my mind that I would be unfaithful with this guy...

I was on a business trip for two months. There I met this other guy. He was introduced to me by a common friend, and because I can't see anything wrong with me getting to know him more, I became friendly to him. I learned that he had a live-in partner to whom he fathered a son, but things just didn't work out between them that he had to go away. I felt sorry for him because he misses his son so much, he even showed me his son's picture. With him tagging along with us, I got used to his company and I somehow missed him when he's not around.

One misty night, I went to my friend's house but was redirected by her parents to the guy I've met's flat. My girl friend was there with her lover. The poor guy has a fever and yet we started drinking booze and my girl friend's lover got drunk she had to take him home. I decided to go with them but she said she won't be long away, besides, her lover's flat's just across the street. So I agreed to wait for her.

Left alone, we went on with our drinking. We talked about life, our future plans, our regrets and failures, and so on. He got up to get some more ice cubes but he swerved. I immediately came to his aide. I laughed at him and told him he's already drunk he should go to sleep. He said, he doesn't get drunk. Our eyes met, still in each others arms, he started kissing me. I know it's wrong, in my mind I started to push him and resist his kisses, but not my body. One moment we're kissing, and then we're fucking. I didn't notice when he started undressing me, or was it me who took my clothes off, it just happened so spontaneously.

After what happened I promised to myself that I'd never do it again... But promises are really made to be broken. I went to his flat again and did it again and again and again. No words were spoken on where we stand in each others' life. For a month we're just bed partners. For a month, I'm still communicating with my fiance as if nothing's happenning. Then it changed when he fell madly in love with me... He wanted us to become more than bed partners, he wanted us to become more intimate, to be committed to each other. But I can't. I love my fiance. And I still wanted to marry him. I may have been unfaithful to him for fucking another man but it's still him I wanted to grow old with. The other guy's just a passing fancy. Just like what Jean Grey told Logan, 'good men are for marrying, bad men are for playing around'.

I ended up my insanity when I left to go back to the city. I didn't keep in touch with him nor with my girl friend. But he found a way to reach me, and pursued me. He even proposed marriage! I still refused..."

Bed Partners, Anyone?

I was rummaging our garage when I stumbled upon this old ish of a women's mag. And since I love to read I (literally) picked it up and began reading it. There was this article that really triggered my curiosity, it's about having bed partners or as I would bluntly put it, fuck buddies (fubu's for short). In the said article, they interviewed women (and men) having one or two (some, more) bed partners. The writer pointed out that these so-called bed partners are those persons you would only have sex with everytime you feel the urge to do so and there's no strings attached between the two of you nor there's any form of commitment and relationship, just plain fuck mates. now, why would anyone want that kind of relationship? I think it's a sick idea. but to some people, it's convenient, especially for those who are noncommittal.

As I watched the movie Intimacy, I theorized that having this kind of thing brings far more complications than having a steady girlfriend/boyfriend of whom you are engaged to and where love is a two-way traffic. Why? because in the long run, one is bound to fall for the other...and it will be difficult and unfair for the part of the "loving" one when his/her feelings were not reciprocated. And what if one or both have families of their own? This liaison will only destroy both their lives, right?

The Curse of Being My Girl Friend

It's been two days and still I can't sleep soundly. My aunt called and told me that one of my two closest female first cousins is pregnant. I dreamt of her french-kissing me one night, just like what I dreamt of when my other close cousin and close girl friends got pregnant... The minute I woke up, I knew something was wrong. Strange... It seems like every girl I get close to ended up getting theirselves pregnant, is it a curse or mere coincidence?

I barely have girl friends to begin with, because most of them are guys. And unfortunately, all of them share the same fate, they all were impregnated at the very young age. Half of them had an abortion, others had a miscarriage, some ran after the fathers of their children and forced them (the guys) to marry them (my girl friends), and the rest carried the burden alone...

Until now, I'm still debating myself whether I was partly to be blamed for their stupidity or not. I always tell them, both girl and guy friends, "If you're going to do it, do it safely. And I mean use some condoms and contraceptive medications safe! We are all not ready to shoulder such responsibility to rear and upbring a child because we still are a child ourselves. And much worse, to have our hands tied to a very compromising situation..." and I advice the girls that if ever they conceive, they should never force their boyfriends to marry them or to live in the same roof with them. A friend of my girl chum's boyfriend asked, what if I get pregnant, I answered directly without blinking an eye, "I will do what I told my girls to do. Being pregnant doesn't give me an excuse to force a man into marrying me. It's my fault I got pregnant, I must face the consequences," I don't know if it's curiousity or what, he again asked what if the guy propose marriage. I told him that my answer would be a "no". Why? First, I don't want to be married for the sake of the child, it's not the reason why couples wed. Second, I don't want to be blamed in the future by my husband for ending his bachelor days early. And lastly, I don't want to kick my ass for not having a life of my own because I got married ahead of time, I don't want to ask myself for the rest of my life all the "what ifs", and I don't want to miss my soulmate. "You love him, he loves you, that's why you had sex, why not get married?" he nudged. I replied that at our age, we still are not sure of what we truly feel. Maybe it's just our hormones in rampage who do the talking. I even told him that I can have sex without love to any guy I fancies. Which was a mistake. After that conversation a lot of guys started hitting on me, they thought with my "liberated" way of thinking, I'm an easy lay. Well, tough luck!

Anyway, I'm still figuring-out whether this girl friends were offended by what I said and had this urge to prove me wrong in what I believe in. Alas, what I feared for them happened. Can't tell them the cliche "I told you so" because my conscience is bugging me, whispering to me that what happened to them is partly my fault. If I hadn't told them those craziness, they wouldn't be sharing the same fate... Tell me, is befriending me an omen to girls?

Scouting for Boys

5 years ago I joined the Boy Scouts of the Philippines in preparation for my joining in the Rover Scouting, the Service Section of the Scouting Movement, 2 years from then. Even if it's not mandatory to be in the Boy Scouting Movement before entering Rover Scouting, I still believe that having an experience may do me good.

In the movement, I have to understand and agree to live by the Scout Oath (In my honor, I will do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.), the Scout Law (A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent), the Scout Motto (BE PREPARED. In whatever comes your way and in meeting the challenges in your life.), and the Scout Slogan (DO A GOOD TURN DAILY. Do helpful acts of kindness quietly, without boasting, and without expecting reward or pay). Doing AT LEAST ONE GOOD TURN every day is a normal part of a Scout's life, whether it's just helping set the table or saving a drowning person, it doesn't matter.

Being a senior scout was a tiring yet overwhelming experience as I went camping, mountain hiking, and tree planting to earn my badges. My gender was not an issue in my troop because as far as Lord Robert Stephenson Smyth Baden-Powell was concerned, "Everything on two legs who calls itself a boy has God within him.." and I don't mind being one of the boys neither. What they can do, I can too! Except to pee with 5 others in our kaybo (camping toilet) at the same time 'coz it's really physically impossible... I was already a Philippine Red Cross volunteer first aider that time, so I didn't have to undergo the training anymore, and was one of the first aid volunteer trainors for the whole troop. After a year, I became a Sea Scout. I was trained by the Philippine Coast Guards themselves to help save a drowning person. They even called us the "Junior Coast Guards". Finally, I turned 16, I can therefore become a Rover Scout!

The day after my birthday, I had my "vigil" (the Rover-to-be considers how their life is going and if they want to make the commitment to becoming a Rover) and started my Squire Training. After 6 months of being a Squire, I had my "investiture" (a ceremony where a member of the public or a scout is inducted into the Rover Crew). Unfortunately, it was my last year in high school, but as the song goes, "save the best for last", I gave my all to do my sworn duty as a
Rover(ette) - SERVICE. I, together with the rest of the troop, helped our community by cleaning the polluted seaport and outreaching to the poor and needy within the 3 remaining months of my high school life.

As of today, I am not a registered rover(ette) anymore, nor a registered boy scout, but I still live my life as boy scouts do.

My Muslim Father

From the kitchen sink, washing the dishes, she heard her cellphone's personalized message alert tone ring.
Who could that be? I hope it's a good news from home...
Even if her fingers were itching to open it, she resisted the urge and continued doing her chore.

1 message received

#####Opening#####

message: "Assalamualaikum!"

That brief message made her smile. He remembers her and doesn't mind spending Php 15 for that "sms". He didn't forget the teenage inquisitive girl who lived with them for a week just so she could write her baby thesis about the Muslims and Islamic culture and traditions. He didn't forget his agnostic chinky-eyed daughter.

And she remembers him. Her Muslim "father". Datu Mangayao to his people, Papa Mike to this girl. The message triggered the memories she had, the days she spent living with them.

For a week, she woke up at 5AM, observing as the family get ready for their first sallah at 6AM. It amused her as they clean themselves while reciting something she can't comprehend. She enjoyed wearing mahlong and putong just like all the other women in that village. The bamboo catwalk scared her wits as she walked there to get to the masquit, only to be disappointed because she can't go inside for she didn't shave down there, and didn't want to too. She read some of the Islamic books lent to her with enthusiasm. She learned that Muslims and Catholics share almost the same faith. Almost. She was disgusted by some of their traditions, the drinking of the water used to wash a dead man's body, but was later relieved when she was told it was no longer being practiced. She was annoyed by their sexist culture. She's a feminist. She can't bear the thought of her friend, the Datu's daughter, being decapitated for having a Christian boyfriend, for having sex with him, and for having an abortion. It's a disgrace to their clan. A dishonor, when a Muslim girl have an amorous relationship with a non-Muslim guy whilst it's not if a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman. That's why her mouth's zipped and she knows nothing when asked. It irritated her when women in the family have to wait for the men to finish eating before they can eat. The Datu's family were nice and very hospitable and accommodating to her, she doesn't despise them, she loathes their gender discrimination, their bigotry. She loves her Muslim extended family.

The girl replied to him by typing the first sentence she learned in Muslim. It doesn't have anything to do with being glad or anything like that, it's a profession of faith for the Muslims, but for the Datu and the girl, it has a hidden message saying, "I never fail to remember Papa Mike..."

message: "Ashadu Allah illaha ilallah wa ashadu annan Muhammaden rassoulullah"

Message Sent!