Fear of the Known

It was mid-September when my cellphone rang in the middle of dawn. I was too tired from school and work I don't wanna answer it, but I thought, what if it's an emergency, especially it's from my aunt. My Tita Tammy. She was the one who raised us, my elder brother and I. I answered it, and was surprised not to hear my aunt's voice on the other line. It was my cousin's wife, Ate Sandra, she's the one holding my aunt's cellphone.


"Len, dinara namon si Tita sa ospital. Sabi san duktor stroke daw."
(Len, we rushed tita to the hospital. The doctor said she had a stroke)


I was suddenly awake, however, I felt my body went numb as well. For some minutes I wasn't able to utter something, then finally, "Kumusta na si tita? I-confine nyo muna sa hospital para ma-obserbahan. Pag kaya na ni tita bumiyahe, pa-brain CT scan nyo si tita either sa Cebu or Manila." (How's she? Have her confined in the hospital to be observed, and then if she can travel, bring her to Cebu or Manila for a CT scan.)


Two weeks later my tita had her CT scan in one of Cebu's hospitals. She had three brain tumors, a product of her cancer metastasis, and the specialist said she only has three or so months to live. Ironically, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Tita Tammy was a breast cancer survivor for thirteen years until three masses were spotted in her liver ultrasound last 2006.


I became rash. I tendered my two weeks' notice to my employer, dropped my class, and borrowed money from my mum to buy a plane ticket home. By the 24th of the month I was in the Philippines, I was able to talk to her over the phone. She just moaned and groaned, I felt a stabbing pain in my heart. Was her motor skills now affected by the cancer cells? By the 25th, I was in the hospital, on my aunt's bedside greeting her a happy birthday.


She just spoke to me that morning when I arrived. She told me I was so chubby, in an almost inaudible way, before she went to sleep. There wasn't any recognition on her face. It's as if she looked at me, but didn't see me. Afternoon came and her sisters and sister-in-law, along with their daughters and daughters-in-law visited her to give her a birthday bash in the hospital. She didn't wake up from her slumber, she didn't even stir, eventhough it's quite noisy, she hates noise, in her hospital room because of her chatting visitors. We called for the doctor, she had fallen into comatose.


She wasn't able to eat her chocolate cake. She loves chocolate.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Pangangarir ng Blog

I haven't really blogged for a while now, I haven't read my friends' blogs lately either.. 'Di ko na nakakarir ang mag-blog, although I have a lot of things going on in my mind. I keep on promising myself that I will try to find time and write, or rather type, whatever nonsense I have in mind just to ease up whatever it is that's bothering me, but alas, I keep on stalling myself. I'd write a rough draft of my entry in my mind, but then I'd just end up doing nothing about it.

The Lost Pot Lid

I was browsing my friendster account last night when I noticed my cousin’s wedding video was posted on his wife’s account. Actually, we were classmates back in our senior year, and yeah, they were high school sweethearts basically. They broke up for a while when we were in college, then got back together obviously since they’re now married. As I was watching said video, I felt something kicked my gut. I didn’t know why I felt that way, and I couldn’t even pin-point if the feeling’s envy or something else. I always felt like my throat’s clogging/choking everytime I see young couples stare lovingly at each other. Then, for no apparent reason, I remembered the joke my HS freshman adviser used to tell us whenever we asked her why she never got married. “I met my soulmate, the only problem was I was facing the altar and he was not.” Well, of course I personally knew who broke her heart, he’s my father’s elder brother, duh.. A cousin of mine once said that when you met that certain person whom you’d feel like you wanna spend the rest of your life with, you’d know, but what if, like my HS teacher, you felt that way for this person but unfortunately s/he just doesn’t? Will they still be considered as your fated destiny, as ill as it was? And if they happened to just pass your life by, who will cover you in your lifetime?

Doomsday in 5.5

It has been foretold that the earth's apocalypse will take place on the 21st of December 2012 B.C.E.

Yes, I watch NatGeo, History, and Discovery channels..

*shrieks "the end is near!" like bloody murder*

After the Sabbatical

It's been six months since I was officially diagnosed as diabetic. It wasn't really a news, both my parents have it, my paternal grandad died of diabetic coma, most of my relatives have it as well. Even if it was an expected outcome from the blood tests I did, I still went through the denial stage.. no erase that..I'm still going through the denial stage. I know, it's been months already, but I still can't accept the truth that I've been sick all these years and we never noticed it, that my diabetes mellitus is not an adult onset one, but the juvenile kind.


After the diagnosis, I started on my oral treatment, one for my sugar, and another for my cholesterol. I fancied calling my cholesterol medicine my boob-shrinker, I lost 3 cup-sizes according to the VS associate who measured me last semi-annual sale. I now poke needles on my fingertips four times a day, before every meal and before bedtime. I do blood testing on a monthly basis to see if there were any progress in my sugar level. The past months were so hard and difficult for me, especially when my blood sugar fluctuates from 61 in the morning then it will rise up to 284 by noon. There were times when I can't get up from my bed because of numbness, there were times when I just mumble my words. It's been only half a year but my medication dosage already changed four times. My lifestyle didn't change though. With work and school, how can I have the time to do some exercise.


These past few months were too stressful for me that my migraine worsen. At first I thought it was just the side effects of either my sugar decreaser or boob-shrinker. My headaches now would go on for weeks, unlike before that I can just pop two 325mg of tylenol, take a cold shower, and sleep through the night and voila, headache's gone, boo yah! So my MD suggested it's maybe high time that I go to a radiology office for a brain cat scan. Well, there was no harm in doing what your MD advised you, right? So off I went to the radiology clinic after HMO gave me a go signal to do so. There they found a 10mm tumor in my pituitary gland.


Great!! The tumor just explained my headaches and my irregular menstrual cycle. I know, I was advised a couple of times to see a doctor with regards to that stupid irregular menstrual cycle of mine, I heed it, gosh!! I took it after I got my health insurance. But I guess I was diagnosed late, huh..? It's been a very trying year for me.. Imagine, I was just diagnosed of having a juvenile diabetes mellitus and will start doing insulin shots this month, then I had a brain tumor for a bonus.


My medical insurance will expire next month, and I don't know what to do afterwards.. Well, hindi pa naman ako mamamatay eh, hiling ko kase manalo lang ang Cleveland Cavaliers, puede na'kong mamaalam sa mundong ibabaw, kaso natalo sila last month sa San Antonio Spurs. 'Yun nga lang, wala namang makaka-miss sa'kin mawala man ako.. (Well, I won't die, not yet anyways, since I made a bet with the devil that if the Cleveland Cavaliers won, I could say goodbye to this world, but they lost to San Antonio Spurs last month. Besides, nobody will miss me when I'm gone..)

Why Don't You and I?

Since the moment I spotted you
Walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

But every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break ?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Every time I try to talk to you
Get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I get together, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
About the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I get together, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I'll say why don't you and I get together take and on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I get together, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I`ll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again

Yagit Na Meh Chaket

yeah, I have a flu

because a spider bit me

and I had my hair cut,

what the fuck's up with that?!

Harem Scarem Fanatic

uhm..yeah.. I'm a hair metal band fanatic.. oobvious ba..? =P

Something to Say

Yesterday I had it all worked out to a 'T'

But now something's wrong between you and me

I was wrong, so wrong

To think that I would stay

Seasons come and seasons go

And today is another day

I wanna say now's the time

To go our separate ways

I don't know I might be wrong

Could we find the strength to say

That our love, our love has seen some better days

And who's to say if I had the chance

That I'd make the choice to say

If you ever had something that you wanted to say

You better start talking before I go away

I wish that I could say I've been feeling okay

That I'll be bringing on the better days

But I wouldn't feel right

Knowing I was lying to you

Am I wasting all my time, will we try to make a mend

I try to read between the lines

But all I see is the end

If you ever had something that you wanted to say

You better start talking before I go away

I wish that I could say I've been feeling okay

That I'll be bringing on the better days

But I wouldn't feel right knowing I was lying

Knowing I was lying to you.

Honestly

I stand before you accused of many crimes

But I want to believe that love can still survive

You don't have to say it, I don't have to read your mind

To know that emptiness has finally arrived

How was I to know right from wrong

Words were hardly spoken, so where did I go wrong

Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me

Looking into my eyes honestly

Words have more meaning, if they're said at certain times

I need you now so I can feel alive

How would you know if you won't give me some time

To see if everything could work you'll be mine

I'll be lost forever or someday I may find

The words that I've been searching for or just some peace of mind

Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me

Looking into my eyes honestly

All the nights I sit and wonder there must be more life

I'm sure that days and years go by while

I am living with, living with a lonely feeling

Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me

Looking into my eyes honestly

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both demanding and irresistible. You are often the center of attention - and that's how you like it. You are up for anything and very energetic. People sometimes propose wild ideas to you. And who knows? Maybe you'll take them up on it. You are known to be a little freaky!

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

tabachuchi

after 3 months of being a bumpire, I became fat again!! pffft!! ano magagawa ko kung tabain ako?! hamfotaj!!

Recipe for Rape

Ingredients:
1.75 L Jagermeister
1 L Johnnie Walker's Jekyll and Hyde
Soul foods (fried pork chops, fried chicken, potato salad, and coleslaw)
1 queen-sized bed in a dim-lighted room

Preparation
First, take a very quick shower, 10 minutes tops, to freshen you up after a long tiring day's work. Use a shower gel that comes with a body lotion and a body spray, which scent compliments and accentuates your body's natural uhm..aroma. Then, towel your hair but don't dry it, just leave it damp. Don't put any make-up on either, appear as fresh-looking as you can. Even if you're not used to wearing anything on when you sleep, you have to wear something in a slumber party, and since there are members from the opposite sex who are invited, better wear something that will not catch their attention, meaning something that might turn the wrong switches on. I suggest wearing a pair of jog suit or pyjamas, depends on the weather and/or season; however, under some circumstances, you can still stir that thing on them males, like you may have assets so visible even in these kind of apparel.

Working on with the Tricks
Ask someone who's also invited to the party to carpool with you. This way you can save gas and mileage of your own car. Give him a peck when he comes to your house to pick you up as a sign of greeting and thanks. In his car, ask him not to turn the a/c on, you wanted him to save gas too, and just let the night air blow your hair to your face along with the whiff of your scent to his nose. Upon arriving to your destination, go inside your host/ess house first and sit on the couch or love seat, he'll surely follow you and sit right next to you, 'coz by this time he's already addicted to your fragrance. Act as if you can't feel his eyes roaming all-over your body. Drink your Jag shots chased by Jekyll and Hyde shots as you're supposed to. Eat the soul foods in your plate that your host/ess has given you. Always stand up and go to the restroom if you feel like going even if you're already feeling the buzz of what you're drinking and make sure to pass by the electric fan frequently, or better yet, sit in front of it. Since you're tired and buzzed, you'll feel like the world's spinning around you, so ask your host/ess where his/her bedroom is, tell him/her you want to see his/her bed. When you get there, lay down and sleep lightly. After some time you'll feel the presence of another person. You know it's him; Although your mind's still awake, just pretend you're sleeping. Pretend until your pretentions become reality. He'll be lying down beside you by then.

Reaching the End
While you were sleeping, kiss him hard until you taste blood. Go on top of him, sit astride him, and tell him, "I'm gonna rape you tonight, bitch." Slap him across his face and follow it up with a backhand. Covering his mouth with your hand, bite his earlobe. Squeeze his chest. Nip his neck. Slap him again and again until you pass out on top of him. He'll stand up, lay you on your stomach, pull your legs down and leave it hanging on the side of the bed, strip your pants and undies off and exact his revenge. He'll just finish what you've started. Extinguishing the fire you've ignited he'll squirt on your buttocks with his loads. He's still a gentleman and will wipe it off your skin with a paper towel and put your clothes back on to its place. He'll also make sure you're lying on the same spot you're lying on when he entered the room so that nobody will know what happened that night except him, for tomorrow when you wake up, you'll simply think of it as a dream. A wet dream..

Scattered Thoughts of a Paranoid

"If I'd ever have to choose between my ovaries and my breasts, I'd surely give up my ovaries and just take some hormones in tablets.."

Mebbeh someone up there's punishing me right now because of that statement. I just noticed few days ago that the mole that surfaced on my right areolae is not the usual brwon or black one, it's maroon. How many maroon moles have you seen in your lifetime? Mine's just this one and it's on my body. It's still small and I haven't noticed if it's growing but I can feel it's one of those protruding ones. Aside from this one that stands out, I noticed a couple more moles on my mammary gland, one's half an inch from the maroon one, and the other is on my left nipple and I can only see it when my nipple's distended. It wouldn't hurt to go see a doctor, I know, but I can't help myself not to be afraid of the outcome. Maybe I'm just being paranoid after hearing that my friend has cysts in her pelvic area, and I'm having some psychological reactions on the mole too because I'm still having some menstrual pain and/ or cramps minus the menses. I already stopped popping OCP's so why the hell do I feel like my boobies are a ton each? Well, that only started to feel that way lately.. So why is it aching again?

When will my paranoia gonna end?

You are Grounded

You are one of the fortunate few people who is perfectly content with themselves. Though maybe not overly confident, you don't struggle with any significant insecurities and are certainly not shy. You aren't emotional, and though this makes you seem uncaring sometimes, anyone who gets to know you a little better knows there is a whole load of emotion just beneath the surface, you just control it very well.

The downside of being so balanced is you don't readily throw yourself off balance, like falling in love, for instance. You lack the capacity to be creative in a truly original sense and need someone else to bring flair and individuality into your life, or else run the risk of having your life become mundane and boring.

As you are so steadfast and capable, you can be a rock for a less secure person. You love being supportive and helping and could give yourself forever, as long as you got a little back. It doesn't take much to keep you happy, and when you do fall in love you are wholeheartedly there for your partner through all the highs and lows life throws at you.

Most compatible with: The Dreamer

The Dreamer is the polar opposite to you. Overly emotional, unstable and unbalanced, they are far from the secure person you are, but they have an artistic side that you will never have. They can see beauty and romance in everything, things you would take no notice of. Though you will often struggle to see eye to eye with the Dreamer, the intrigue and mystery that surrounds them and the colour they bring to your life will keep you holding onto them forever. After all, opposites attract, neh?

Least compatible with: The Submissive

The Submissive is only interested in serving their partner, and as you are an independent person who likes doing things for themselves and has no need for someone to depend on, a relationship with the Submissive is likely to irritate you to no end.

Your song is: This is the Last Time, Keane



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http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i171/TheBreak-upKids/Quizilla/loverswithguns2.jpg
You kill As A Result of Passion.
Being a very passsionate being, you kill on an impluse and probably regret it because it was someone near and dear to you.

Personality: Firey, Passionate, Emotional
Weapon: Whatever was closest and most capable at the time.
Expression/Action: Sad eyes, or a guilty depressed look down
Most Common Feeling: Regret

Take this quiz!

Quiz ulet..

Mesai, you're an Elephant in the wild world of love.

You're a favorite amongst any herd, aren't you, my little Elephant? Like your animal alter ego, you're probably more devoted, family-oriented, and loyal than your average creature roaming the jungle of love. For you, mating is probably more about expressing your feelings than just satisfying sexual urges. Overall, you're great with people, and you always seem to have a story or comment that leaves the group feeling better about things.

You're cuter than Dumbo, and smarter too, which is why hanging out with you is always a good time. With your charm, not to mention that sexy trunk, it's no wonder there are plenty of fans lining up to tango with you. Despite all the attention, however, you're probably not one to charge ahead into a romantic encounter without thinking first. You prefer to be friends first before letting things heat up. For you, romance is a seduction of the mind followed closely by your devoted heart. It's that authenticity that makes you so irresistible.

Hatake Kakashi

Which Naruto Character is your personality most like? (You dont have to watch\know Naruto to take this.)

You are Kakashi, a cheerful person and have a wrapped sense of humor. You are kind of a pervert. You usually put others safety before yours. Even if you had a bad past, you manage to put it all behind. You like reading romance or dirty books. You may look quite ditsy, but hey, appearance can be deceptive. You are a really loyal and caring friend.Best paired with someone that is crazy, strict or someone that is a loner.
Take this quiz!








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Eto na Ako Ngayon.. *sigh*

Arf, arf!!

Kalabaw lang daw ang tumatanda.. Ngunit bakit ganun, para akong sinikmuraan at tinadyakan nang aking mapagtantong ako ay tumatanda na?

Trip ko lang magmarathon ng Prince of Tennis sana, kaso ay mas inuna kong panoorin ang latest episode ng Naruto na aking na-download mula sa Dattebayo. Ang katapusan ng filler story tungkol sa Noroimusha ng Bird Country ay mayroong introduction ni Pakkun, ang aso ni Hatake Kakashi na team leader ng grupo nila Uzumaki Naruto, Uichiha Sasuke, at Haruno Sakura. Wala akong balak magsayang ng blog space at panahon para lamang ikuwento ang story ng Naruto so far, kaya balik tayo sa introduction ni Pakkun. Ang epsiode 166 kase ang first episode for the year 2006 at ang 2006 sa Chinese calendar ay Year of the Dog, thus, nagkaroon ng brief intro si Pakkun na isang pug. Ang closest cousin ko sa paternal side ay ipinanganak noong taon ng aso, mil nueve sientos otsenta y dos, at sa darating na Oktubre ay magbe-beinte y cuatro na siya. Dalampu't apat na taon.. Isang taon na lang quarter life na.. Ilang taon lang ang tanda sa'ken ng pinsan kong ito kaya nga naging close kame dahil inde kame nagkakalayo ng edad, kaya kung magka-quarter life na siya next year, ilang taon na lamang ay ako naman ang susunod..

Not that I don't wanna get old at mayroon akong Peter Pan syndrome.. Nagkataon lang na na-stuck ang utak ko into thinking na 15 pa rin lang ako noong college days ko, at 18 mula nang umapak ako sa lupa ng mga Amerikano. Ewan ko kung bahket.. Marahil ay dahil I haven't lived my teenage years to the fullest kaya gusto kong maging ganun muna ang age ko for quite some time.. Dose pa lang kase ako eh nagbabantay na ako ng tindahan ng Tita ko, though half-boring half-enjoyable naman, inde 'yun 'yung talagang gawain ng isang 12 years old.. Tapos kahet pa meh ganun ng responsabilidad na ibinabalikat sa'ken eh meh yaya pa rin ako hanggang mag-college ako or rather personal assistant na since dalaga na ako.. And 2 of my former PA's became my drinking buddies pa nga at isinasama kong mag-clubbing.

Anyhoo.. Meron daw ng tinatawag na "quarter-life crisis".. I dunno what it consists of and I don't fear it.. Napapansin ko lang na merong mga changes sa'ken as time passes by.. Una, matagal ko ng alam at inamin sa sarili kong horny ako and I admit (to others) I masturbate, though lately mas nagiging malibog ako and I feel like my mind and body are ready for sex. Pangalawa, nadi-depress ako lately especially pag nakikita ko sa Friendster ang mga classmates, schoolmates, batchmates, etc. ko na merong graduation pic na naka-post. Meron na silang tapos, meron na silang na-accomplish.. Ako? Eto, stuck sa lupa ni Uncle Sam kung saan ang pag-aaral ng kolehiyo ay mas mahirap kesa sa Pinas. Kung sa Pinas nagbebenta ng livestock ang mga magulang para mapag-aral ang kanilang mga anak, dito ka-kailanganin mong i-refinance every year or term depende sa kung magkano ang halaga ng hinuhulugan mong bahay para lamang mapag-aral mo ang iyong anak sa kolehiyo na isang napalaking gastusin sapagkat tumataas lalo ang value ng utang mo kada magre-refi ka. At ang huli, lagi kong iniisip at/ o kaya'y pinoproblema kung magkanong pera ang ipadadala ko sa Pinas para maipagpatuloy ang negosyo ng tiyahin ko, maipambili ng lupaing gusto ko/namin ni kuya, at pampagamot sa lola't tita ko..

Sa tuwinang naiisip ko 'yung dalawang huli kong binanggit, nagke-crave/naglalaway akong manigarilyo nang sunud-sunod, though I'm not a smoker.. Sign ba iyon ng quarte-life crisis..Ang pagiging smoker? =P

Kiss

Four or so years ago, I was asked by a lot of boy friends, horny and curious alike, what is the key to a woman's sexual submission? I laughed, I wanted to ask them "why?" but just kept the question in my mind and just answered them with another question, "why ask me? I'm not the right person to ask, 'coz first, I'm younger than all of you, and second, I haven't been intimate to anyone. All I have are theories yet to be proven by myself."

As I was drifting to slumber last night, I caught a glimpse of one of the Closer's scene, when Jude Law kissed Julia Roberts, and in my semi-asleep consciousness I thought, "that's my theory yet to be proven..the key.."

In my theory, if a guy could kiss a la Jude Law, Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck and Charmed, Dr. Doom of Fantastic 4), and/or Enrique Iglesias, he can make any gurl totally submissive and do his every bidding. Why? Because a kiss done the proper way at the right moment can turn all the switches in a woman's physiology and psychology on..

A kiss full of passion and hunger.. A mixture of respect and desire.. A kiss so goddamnfuckingly good 'tis orgasmic..

As Tom Jones pointed out in his song, Kiss, "You don't have to be beautiful to turn me on.." True. Proof? Though I don't find Tom Cruise handsome, the general public do.. And even if I do, even if he's The Tom Cruise, I still am not turned on by him the way I feel whenever I watch Enrique Iglesias in his Hero music video. He doesn't make me want to be with him in his love or kissing scenes. He can't make me gasp and hunger like I'm the one he's kissing unlike Cole while frenching Phoebe.

A 10-Minute Ride

"I heard you're planning to spend the holidays back home now that you already have your greencard?" My mum's uncle asked me on our way to my workplace. Uncle Roger volunteered to drop me off that day since he's not interested in watching Kampanerang Kuba unlike his wife and my mum. I just confirmed what my mum told him, he went on talking and I heard the best advice given to me, "Enjoy your vacation, then, 'coz by the time you got back here, you'll have to focus on your studies and part-time job, whatever it may be."

If only he knew.. I won't be really enjoying myself in the Philippines.. I'll hafta manage my aunt's store while she's having her much-needed vacation and check-up. I won't be a part of the "Empe Boiz" anymore, though salimpusa naman lang talaga ako.. All I have is 2 days at most, if ever matuloy man ako this month.. Kahet kase I'm working my flat ass off, eh part-timer lang naman ako tsaka minimum lang rate ko, kaya short pa rin ako ng pamasahe.. Sa hangin kase kame nagkapirmahan ni kuya ng kontrata na if ever man kapusin ako eh iso-shoulder n'ya..

"Pagdating mo dun, mag-scout ka na ng mapapangasawa mo. Dapat Nursing grad at masipag, 'yung ipagta-trabaho ka para mabuhay kayo not the other way around. Tapos, i-petition mo na makarating dito, pero kelangan you love each other. Tignan mo kame ng Auntie mo. Mas maganda pa rin kase pag Pilipino rin mapapangasawa mo eh."

"Aray ko, bata pa po ako," was my reply but wasn't voiced out, late na'ko for work eh..

awkward moment..

Sira ang lock ng pinto ng restroom sa workplace ko.. Nalaman ko lang nung ihing-ihi na ako, so, I've no other choice but to use it kase feeling ko puputok na pantog ko.. I just asked my co-worker/gal pal to stay gurad and tell our other co-workers I'm using the restroom.. baka kase bigla bumukas at makita akong medyo nakatuwad, kase inde ako umuupo sa toilet pag alam kong common restroom (ladies and gents share the same toilet).. Eh medyo na-busy ata magkahera si kring, inde napansin gumawi sa restroom yung isa naming co-worker na medyo crush ko.. Tangna!! Buti na lang nasa lavatory na'ko at naghuhugas ng kamay!! Gagu pang Ed, narinig na nga na napatili ako when he opened the door, pumasok pa rin sa restroom!! Puchang buhay naman, oo!! Lagi na lang nagkakandaloko-loko sa trabaho ko!!

MASAYA AKO!!

I just feel so happy 'coz I'm now an LPR of the sunny state of CA!! that's all folks!!

Psychology of Crushes

I dunno what's with gay guys that I felt like I'm the iron fillings to their magnet.. Same goes with metrosexuals, even though my two ex-boyfriends were the ragged/thrasher types.. Is this kind of attraction related to my all-girl schooling when I was in elementary where you spend your adolescence, in my case, first couple of years in puberty?

Well, to those who visit my blog that still doesn't know it, I attended an exclusive Catholic school for girls from kindergarten to 5th grade.. Having attended said educational institution, I was exposed to same sex attraction, infatuation, and romantic relationship in a very early age.. I was in 1st grade when I first saw two sixth graders sharing a bed in the clinic hugging and kissing under the blanky, I even remember sharing a bed with a high schooler.. uso pa Sweet Honesty noon, 'yun 'yung perfume n'ya and her hair smells Vidal Sassoon shampoo.. Otei, I'm drifting back to memory lane again..

Anyhoo, our school was only 14 inches apart from an exclusive boys' school, that's because of the wall between our campuses, and I still don't get why most of my schoolmates prefer a breed of our own.. Was it because of the "nearestness" of one's company, they after all belong to one campus/building, if they don't share the same section/class? And why do girls can openly have a lady-crush or lady-love often than boys? Was it the societal stereotyping and machismo that prevent them and repress whatever man-crush they might feel for their own kin?

I once goaded a guy friend into admitting if he never ever had a man-crush in his entire life.. First off, he's a manly man and very straight, but he did admit he once find this child actor cute.. Creepy? Not for me.. My mind's not programmed to think a man homosexual just because he admires another man.. I dunno if you'll think of me as a pervert or something, but yuuri is as hot as yaoi for me..

What is the trigger factor for one to have a Certain Reaction Upon Someone's Heart(head, 'coz 'tis all in the mind, methinks)?

The Skinny Pig

4 o'clock in the morning and still I can't sleep because of the stupid vodka I drank the night before.. I guess my alcohol tolerance level went down after almost 2 years of not boozing regularly.. I went to the "Evul Chatterboxxx" and met Notinlovewidyu.. She was all friendly to me and I flirt with gurls a lot, I even asked her if she wanna hookup with me when I go back to the Philippines.. The flirting will surely go on especially 'coz I feel somewhat numb up in my brain, until one of the chatters called her by her slightly real name.. And I know, that unique name's only possessed by this gurl, so I was all shocked and glad..

"An Demonyada!! (the demon-girl)" was what I typed when she confirmed if she's really who I thought she was.. The gurl without a consonant in her first name.. Zwhynny Aban.. Who would have thought that I would one day bump into her in the net? She was my cousin's cousin. She was B1 (or was it B2, B3, or B4) in our organisation, BSP-Roverettes of MNCHS (our secondary school).. She's one of the class clowns in my Ahya's batch.. She was the rumored to be hit and ran by a taxi and got comatosed, no thanks to our dear friend, Ronan.. And because of her, I met my very bestfriend, Joseph, but we call him by his nickname Noy..

We chatted and she updated me with the so-called greatest scam in Etabsam, the jueteng bomb that Sandra Cam dropped in the media, wherein 2 schoolmates, they were in one barkada and the other one's my cousin, were said to be involved along with their families, the Espinosa's and the Abapo's..

"Hearing" from this noisy gurl made me want to go home even more.. T_T

Got nothing to do and saw Lucia's blog, naki-quiz na rin.. ^_^

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Love Is A Decision.. (daw)

"I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee there'll be one day when one or both of us would want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I do not ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life 'coz I know in my heart, you're the only one. "

Everybody was sighing as we watched Julia Roberts say these lines to Richard Gere in an unromantic setting-the balcony of a building in bustling New York City-in the movie Runaway Bride. A few scenes before that, it was Richard who said the same lines to Julia, likewise in an unromantic scenario, as they were talking about how people propose marriage. True enough, when we were teenagers it was a question which we loved to answer in slambooks.

It remains a topic that creates giggles and shrieks whenever friends talk about it. But does one really know what love is? We often mistake it for a crush, an infatuation or sometimes, even for the sheer joy in companionship. Sometimes, we think it's a feeling that we have when our hearts continue throbbing hard when we see that special person. Or when our knees start to shake and begin to weaken. But can anyone really define love? I don't think so, not even the ones who think they have felt it, or those who are feeling it, or those who hope they will feel it. Not even my philosophy teacher. Because love is not something that you don't define... it's a decision.

When you feel that you love one person, how can you tell that he or she won't feel the same way for the next person who comes along? Love is not a feeling, it's a decision. 'Coz, when it's a feeling, it is something that floats in theair, something you cannot touch or dare to comprehend.

Love, when it's a decision, makes it solid, makes it a commitment, makes it more lasting and more real. You can feel that you can be in love 20 million times in a day, but when you decide to be in love, you can only decide to be in love with one person once in your lifetime. You commit and you hold on to that decision. And when you turn your back on that decision, it means you were never in love in the first place.

Love should never fade. Because when it does, it means it's just an emotion. Love will never fade because a decision, once done, is something you stand up for and fight for-no matter what. What does "I love you" mean? Some peoplefind it easy to say the words but what really matter is being ready to stand up for it when you say those words. Are you ready to face all the consequences after saying those magical words?

If you can say "I love you" long after all the tough times, all the good times and after all the words that come hurting you, then the meaning of those words becomes real. Of course, I still believe in those words... but I myself am afraid to say them. I know there will come a time when I won't be afraid of those words coming out of my mouth. When I will be strong enough to fight for love again. And I can say the words "no matter what". Saying "I love you" is a major decision in one's life.

Those words should be sacred, should be kept in your heart until you are ready to commit, to fight for that feeling and to stand by those words. Is love a product of destiny? No, I believe there's no such thing as destiny. Thus, if love is a product of destiny, then you choose to love, you decide to love.

Your destiny is the path that you choose to take.

I guarantee that there will be tough times. Going back to the movieline that made everyone sigh: Yes, it is a decision to commit, it is a decision to love. And when you decide to love, you should realize that there will be tough times and there will come a time when you would want to get out.

And when you realize that love comes with all things good or bad, then you know what love really is.

But there is love...

Songs That turn Me On 2 - Butterfly

second installment of songs that make me feel funny..

hope somebody will tell me this lines, will sure make my legs shake and go crazy.. *lol*

the title also reminds me of the Venus Butterfly© technique in giving a cunnilingus..

"Butterfly"
Crazytown

Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby

Such a sexy,sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring
And I ain't gonna lie cause your loving gets me high
So to keep you by my side there's nothing that I won't try
Butterflies in her eyes and looks to kill
Time is passing I'm asking could this be real
'Cause I can't sleep I can't hold still
The only thing I really know is she got sex appeal

I can feel too much is never enough
You're always there to lift me up
When these times get rough
I was lost now I'm found
Ever since you've been around
You're the women that I want
So, yo, I'm putting it down.

Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby,
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy
Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're mypretty baby,
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy

I don't deserve you
Unless it's some kind of hidden message
To show me life is precious then I guess it's true
But to tell truth, I really never knew 'til I met you...
See I was lost and confused, twisted and used up
Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it
My lifestyle's sure wild I was living like a wild child
Trapped on a short leash paroled the police files
So, yo, what' s happening now?
I see the sun breaking down into dark clouds
And a vision of you standing out in a crowd.

So, Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby,
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy
Come my lady, comec come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby,
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy

Hey, sugar momma, come and dance with me
The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me
Whatever tickles your fancy, girl it's you like Sid and Nancy
So sexy....almost evil talkin' about butterflies in my head
I used to think that happy endings were only in the books I read
But you made me feel alive when I was almost dead
You filled that empty space with the love I used to chase
And as far as I can see it don't get better than this
So butterfly, here is a song and it's sealed with a
kiss and a thank you miss.

Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Come and dance with me, so come and dance with me
Uhhhhh ha uhhh ha

Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby,
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy
Come my lady, come come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy

Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy
Come my lady, come, come my lady
You're my butterfly, Sugarbaby
Come my lady, you're my pretty baby
I'll make your legs shake, you make me go crazy

Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Uhhhhhh ha uhhhhhh ha

Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Come and dance with me, come and dance with me
Come and dance with me, come and dance with me

How to do the Venus Butterfly©:

• tongue on the clitoris, licks it (preferrably tongue tornado)..
• index and middle finger inside the vagina tickling the frontal abdomen where the G-spot is located..
• ring finger caresses the anal opening, just outside, no need to insert it..
• free hand caresses either the navel or the breasts..

Eduardo Verastigui

this hottie's from J. Lo's "Ain't It Funny" mv wherein he played the role of a gypsy man.. he's the reason why I like the peasant/gypsy style..

The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl

took this quiz while in the middle of reading the said novel..very interesting historical fiction..mysterious and suspenseful..

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Beerdeh Pwesent

If 'tis your birthday and this is your present,

what will you do? How will you react?

*blink blink*

I Miss Family Guy!!

'tis been 2 weeks since our cable provider shut their services for they are conducting their maintenance thingie. and I've been missing the new episodes of Family Guy.. waah!! all I do now is recollect the lines of my fave characters..


Peter Griffin (dimwit head of the Griffin household): (grabs mic at a fast food) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

Stewie Griffin (sarcasmeister baby who wanted to dominate the world and murder his mum): Just me, Stewie..just being myself.. Oh this? Just my package.. God delivered it, I signed for it, and the world keeps on spinnin', yeah..

Glenn Quagmire (Peter's perverted friend and neighbor who's also obsessed with Lois, Peter's wife): Hello, 911? It's Quagmire.. Yeah..it's caught in the window this time..

Loving A Larger Woman

the following is an excerpt stroy in the novel Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner..


Good in Bed is Bruce Guberman's monthly column in Moxie mag..


x x x x x


Loving a Larger Woman
by Bruce Guberman



I'll never forget the day I found out my girlfriend weighed more than I did.



She was out on a bike ride, and I was home watching football, leafing through the magazines on her coffee table, when I found her Weight Watchers folder -- a palm-sized folio with notations for what she'd eaten, and when, and what she planned to eat next, and whether she'd been drinking her eight glasses of water a day. There was her name. Her identification number. And her weight, which I am too much of a gentleman to reveal here. Suffice it to say that the number shocked me.



I knew that C. was a big girl. Certainly bigger than any of the women I'd seen on TV, bouncing in bathing suits or drifting, reedlike, through sitcoms and medical dramas. Definitely bigger than any of the women I'd ever dated before.



What, I thought scornfully. Both of them?



I never thought of myself as a chubby chaser. But when I met C., I fell for her wit, her laugh, her sparkling eyes. Her body, I decided, was something I could learn to live with.



Her shoulders were as broad as mine, her hands were almost as big, and from her breasts to her belly, from her hips down the slope of her thighs, she was all sweet curves and warm welcome. Holding her felt like a safe haven. It felt like coming home.



But being out with her didn't feel nearly as comfortable. Maybe it was the way I'd absorbed society's expectations, its dictates of what men are supposed to want and how women are supposed to appear. More likely, it was the way she had. C. was a dedicated foot soldier in the body wars. At five foot ten inches, with a linebacker's build and a weight that would have put her right at home on a pro football team's roster, C. couldn't make herself invisible.



But I know that if it were possible, if all the slouching and slumping and shapeless black jumpers could have erased her from the physical world, she would have gone in an instant. She took no pleasure from the very things I loved, from her size, her amplitude, her luscious, zaftig heft.



As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many times as I said it didn't matter, I knew that to her it did. I was just one voice, and the world's voice was louder. I could feel her shame like a palpable thing, walking beside us on the street, crouched down between us in a movie theater, coiled up and waiting for someone to say what to her was the dirtiest word in the world:fat.



And I knew it wasn't paranoia. You hear, over and over, how fat is the last acceptable prejudice, that fat people are the only safe targets in our politically correct world. Date a queen-sized woman and you'll find out how true it is. You'll see the way people look at her, and look at you for being with her. You'll try to buy her lingerie for Valentine's Day and realize the sizes stop before she starts. Every time you go out to eat you'll watch her agonize, balancing what she wants against what she'll let herself have, what she'll let herself have against what she'll be seen eating in public.



And what she'll let herself say.



I remember when the Monica Lewinsky story broke and C., a newspaper reporter, wrote a passionate defense of the White House intern who'd been betrayed by Linda Tripp in Washington, and betrayed even worse by her friends in Beverly Hills, who were busily selling their high-school memories of Monica to Inside Edition and People magazine. After her article was printed, C. got lots of hate mail, including one letter from a guy who began: "I can tell by what you wrote that you are overweight and that nobody loves you." And it was that letter -- that word -- that bothered her more than anything else anyone said. It seemed that if it were true -- the "overweight" part -- then the "nobody loves you" part would have to be true as well. As if being Lewinsky-esque was worse than being a betrayer, or even someone who was dumb. As if being fat were somehow a crime.



Loving a larger woman is an act of courage in this world, and maybe it's even an act of futility. Because, in loving C., I knew I was loving someone who didn't believe that she herself was worthy of anyone's love.



And now that it's over, I don't know where to direct my anger and my sorrow. At a world that made her feel the way she did about her body -- no, herself -- and whether she was desirable. At C., for not being strong enough to overcome what the world told her. Or at myself, for not loving C. enough to make her believe in herself.


x x x x x

Argh! Bull's eye! Dang! What if a guy does this to me? I'd probably torture him and make him beg to die.. What a sad jerk..though 'tis somehow touching..but he's still an asshole!

The Wedding

'Tis my mum's uncle's silver wedding anniversary on the 11th but they renewed their vows yesterday at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Church..

I had my hair updone in a local hair salon, not the one wherein they "murdered" my hair 3 days ago, had some locks as y'all can see they used a curling iron and lotsa hair spray on my "sutil" hair. I
did my own make-up, I made my eyes look bigger by doing the "smokey eyes" (heavily smudged eyeliner) and just put a light-colored lip gloss on my lips. It is a cardinal rule in applying make-up to only emphasize either your eyes or lips. Well, I had my own rule na if I'm gonna attend something that'll be held at night, I'll emphasize my eyes like what I did on the wedding anniversary, but if I'm going out in broad daylight, I hafta emphasize moi lips..


As you can see, my "butangera" arms are showing for I wore a black fettuccine-strapped, empire-cut dress, very similar to what the girl in Gavin deGraw's music video "Chariot" is wearing, including the pink brassiere though mine's fuschia. I was the only one in the church wearing black, but 'tis not what you wear that matters, 'tis who you wear!! Well, I wore Jones naman that night for my apparel, not bad of a choice, and for my footwear, I wore Hilfiger..

The wedding reception's not that tradional since 'twas only a renewal of vows.. All they did was the ever so popular L.A. Walk and the Chicken Dance in the wide Pacific Ballroom of the Anaheim Hilton Towers. No throwing of the garter nor throwing of the bouquet, though the bride gave it to me para ala na daw masyado kalat along with the other flowers in the reception hall and lotsa Kisses..

My feet ached that night too for I danced to my heart's content. I did the boogie, the twist, the swing, the foxtrot, the tango, the waltz, the LA walk, and of course, the chicken dance. I'm not a sweet dancer, so I didn't dare step a foot though I sang with Florence Aguilar, who graced the wedding with her presence, on my chair, in our table, to myself whilst taking a rest of course..

Overly Made

3 days before the wedding and I had a make over

which I regret 'coz I look like a hooker, sheesh!!

Losyang..

Been to my Cambodian friend's house today in Moreno Valley.
Kring and I paid her a visit to see how she is after giving birth last June 23rd..

Here are my pix with Baby Nikki taken by my ading, Nathan..
She was sleeping on my chest.. nakahanap ng kutson eh.. *lol*
I look like the mumsie in this shots, haggard-looking and fat.

A sexual poem concealed by Confucianism

the following composition is a tanka, a type of poem using a 5-7-5-7-7 measurement..

Midaregami

Yosano Akiko (1901)

Yawahadano atsuki chishioni furemomide sabishikarazuya michiwotokumono

Haru mijikashi nanni fumetsuno inochizoto chikaraaru chiwo tenisagurasenu

Yoruno choni sasamekitsukishi hoshino imawo gekaino hitono binnno hotsureyo

Love Is Like Buying A Used Car by Mariel G. Calalo

***From The Author of Love is Like Shopping For Shoes ***

Love is like buying a car. Yes, my disposable income has increased from the time I wrote Love is Like Shopping for Shoes. Unlike before when I was willing to gamble PHP 2,000 pesos for a fabulous pair of shoes, I am now willing to gamble a much larger sum of money to buy myself my first car. I spent my weekend looking for a car that will suit me. I didn't realize that looking for a car that suits me is as complicated and as difficult as finding love.

First Consideration: Should I buy a brand new car or a used one? Buying used cars has become more and more popular for many reasons. Besides the fact that it is cheaper to buy used as opposed to new, auto manufacturers are making better quality vehicles. These better quality new cars in turn make better quality used cars. Used car buyers are now getting a more reliable, better-conditioned vehicle that will last much longer. The same thing in relationships, I guess. Being with someone who has gone through difficult times, who has experienced what it's like to love and let go of love, and understand the lessons he needed to learn from that phase of his life, makes him a better person in the long run. Experience is truly the best teacher and sometimes, the best way to learn and do better is to make that mistake and learn how to fix it. Expectations are much more realistic, and approach is much more flexible. However, being with someone who has not gone through such difficulties has it's advantages. He may not have the fears that a person who has experienced a broken heart may have. His judgement may not yet be clouded by traumatic experiences a second hand heart may have. But then again, he may have coffee caramel dreams and unrealistic expectations, which eventually will lead to disappointment, when not met.

Second Consideration: Assuming I will buy a used car, I need to know the used car's history. Used Car History is a must for any used car buyer. Plain and simple, you should not buy a vehicle from a dealer, friend or even family member without first doing a thorough check. Why you ask? Because it is the only way to find out if the vehicle has any serious hidden problems such as collision damage, odometer rollback, has been reconstructed or has persistent mechanical problems. In the same way, make a covert investigation why this heart is still out in the market. If he is such a good catch, how come no one has snagged him yet? Just like cars, he could have hidden defects. He could be another closet queen, or he has a serious work habit deficiency, or he's just plain obnoxious. You need to know why the second hand heart was given up by its previous owner. This precautionary measure can spare you tons of heartache and disappointments.

Third Consideration: Ratings and Reviews. Used car ratings prove that they are a wise, cost-effective alternative to buying new. The best way to figure it out is to read what the experts had to say about the cars you're considering. In relationships, listen to what your parents and friends say about this person. It's not really about letting other people decide for you, it's more like listening to what people outside of the relationship has to say based on their observations are. If your family and your friends have only good things to say about this person, then you're blessed. You must have made a good choice.

Fourth Consideration: Maintenance and Operating Cost. High maintenance or low maintenance? My greatest dream in life is to own an Mercedes Benz E230 in Silver Gray but realized that a single small part may costs me thousands of pesos for me to have it replaced. I did my research and aparently the more high-end your car is, the more money you need to spend on insurance and maintenance. As I grew older, my dream car has shifted to the Nissan Patrol. The last time I checked, the latest model of an A/T Nissan Patrol with leather interiors and its very own entertainment additions costs about 3.8 million pesos, excluding insurance and registration. I could try working myself to death to come up with 3.8 million pesos to acquire it, but is it really worth it? You see a girl with nice shiny black hair, poreless perfect skin, a ramp model stance, chic bag and high heels. Let me calculate for you. Hot oil, depending on which salon she gets it and length of her hair, could go as high as PHP 1,000. Microderm abrasion, PHP 1,400 per session. Glycolic peel, PHP 1,400 per session. Manicure, PHP 600. Pedicure and foot spa, PHP 800. Spa treatments, average of PHP 2,000 per week. Gold's gym membership PHP100,000 plus PHP 1,800 monthly. Monthly cosmetics and girlie supplies, average of PHP 5,000. The time you need to spend waiting for her to finish her girlie to do lists, an average of 4 hours per weekend. The miserable look on her boyfriend's face as he computes her spending while he waits for her, PRICELESS. The more high-end, the more you need to be willing to give more. High maintenance relationships, demand more and are more stressful.

Fifth consideration: Commitment. No one wants to drive a dust covered car. No one wants to drive a car that screams "please lang, paliguan mo naman ako." Are you willing to wake up at 5:30 am, just to bring your car to the car wash so you could be in the office for an 8:00 am meeting? Are you willing to wash it yourself? Are you willing to get your hands all dirty because you need to put grease in it's small parts just to prevent them from rusting? Are you willing to make time to make the relationship work? Are you willing to swallow your pride and be a little crazy sometimes just to make him feel cherished?These five important considerations have led me to this conclusion: I am not ready to have my own car. Not yet. I don't have the resources to maintain it. I don't have the commitment to ensure that it stays clean and well-maintained at all times. I don't have the enthusiasm to drive it everyday to the office. Someday, I'll probably have enough resources to buy and maintain the car I want, the enthusiasm to take care of it and the ownership to drive it. Until then, I probably would spend my time preparing myself for that day. = )

Love Is Like Shopping for Shoes by Mariel G. Calalo

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl in possession of a mid-year bonus must be in search of the perfect shoes. People consider shopping as a complete waste of time... But for me, I have learned love's greatest lessons from shopping.

I consider Glorietta-Greenbelt-SM-Landmark chain of establishments as my home away from home. I practically buy most of the stuff there. Sales people in those shops where I buy my "kikay" stuff are practically on first name basis with me. If there is any part of shopping that I enjoy the most, it would be shopping for the shoes.

Shopping for shoes is something I consider sacred. Shopping for shoes requires commitment, commitment of your resources to get the best shoes your resources can afford. I like shopping for shoes alone because it gives me the freedom to choose the shoes without having to worry what people think about it. It gives me the freedom to decide based on my idea of a good pair of shoes, and not based on what other people think the perfect shoes should essentially have.

After months of waiting for the midyear bonus, I finally got it. Now it is time to pack my bag and head for my Glorietta to hunt for the perfect shoes. I don't plan to spend my entire bonus on shoes. I only wanted to buy one pair of black leather shoes... The pair I'm going to wear daily to the office. Hmmm, it should be sophisticated enough for the office and yet, comfortable enough for daily wear. I guess I have a fairly good idea of what I would like to buy. Since I normally wear pants to the office, a good pair of boots will do.

So I set off to the first shop I could find. I scanned the shop for the shoe I would like to buy. Well, no boots here but I sure fancy the mules. I just had to try them on... So I asked the sales lady for my size, fitted the shoe and walked in it back and forth. Well, the mule was sophisticated enough for the office but the heels are killing me. I can imagine myself wearing this but the thing is I can't wear it for a long time, how much more wear it daily? I knew this shoe was just not it. Moving on to the next shop, I found a great pair of black leather shoes, asked the sales lady for my size and fitted the pair. It's a great pair alright, but when I looked at the tag price... My budget will be busted. It's price is thrice of how much I currently have. It's a good pair but I think I can do without it, if it means busting my budget. A part of me feels bad because I think this is a good buy... But overspending isn't what I have planned for my shopping activity for this particular day. So I hop from shop to shop, finding shoes of different sorts, some of them almost the same as what I have in mind, but then something is not quite "it." I went back to some of the shops I went to a while back, fitted the same shoes I fitted before, thinking to myself that maybe I need to give these shoes a second look to convince me that I ought to buy them.

By 3:00 pm of that Saturday, I felt exhausted and frustrated. I wanted to buy a great pair and I just couldn't find one. It's either I totally don't like the style or the fit or I totally don't like the price. I told myself "just buy a pair! Whatever pair and go home!" For a minute, I wanted to agree with my sore feet. Yeah, maybe I should just buy a pair for the sake of buying, wear it once in a while and get on with my life. However, when I think about not getting my money's worth by buying something that would not completely fit what my idea of great shoe find would be... I just couldn't buy a shoe for the sake of buying.

Perhaps I haven't seen all the shops... Just when I was ready to give up and go home with a box of donuts instead of a box of shoes... There they were... A pair of black leather wedge boots... Great for slacks and denim... I knew I just had to try this pair. So again, I ordered for my size and fitted the pair. Yes! This pair is perfect. They're comfortable enough to be worn for more that 8 hours a day, sophisticated enough...

I checked the price... Hmmm, exactly fitting my budget criteria. I just knew the moment I fitted this pair that I just got to have them. I just knew that if I'd come back tomorrow in this shop and not find this pair, I'd be regretting it until the next bonus. I just need to purchase this pair... NOW.

Shopping for shoes is much like finding love. Don't try to fit it if you're not going to buy it. Don't buy it if you have reservations. Don't buy it when it's "almost but not quite." You judge the best pair based on your own criteria because you will be the one to wear it everyday. When you buy a pair of shoes, you need to be commited, at least, your feet should be committed to wear them, if needed, daily. And when you finally get the perfect pair, and you know you just can't do without this pair... Go for it before you actually regret it when somebody else buys that shoe.