The Curse of Being My Girl Friend

It's been two days and still I can't sleep soundly. My aunt called and told me that one of my two closest female first cousins is pregnant. I dreamt of her french-kissing me one night, just like what I dreamt of when my other close cousin and close girl friends got pregnant... The minute I woke up, I knew something was wrong. Strange... It seems like every girl I get close to ended up getting theirselves pregnant, is it a curse or mere coincidence?

I barely have girl friends to begin with, because most of them are guys. And unfortunately, all of them share the same fate, they all were impregnated at the very young age. Half of them had an abortion, others had a miscarriage, some ran after the fathers of their children and forced them (the guys) to marry them (my girl friends), and the rest carried the burden alone...

Until now, I'm still debating myself whether I was partly to be blamed for their stupidity or not. I always tell them, both girl and guy friends, "If you're going to do it, do it safely. And I mean use some condoms and contraceptive medications safe! We are all not ready to shoulder such responsibility to rear and upbring a child because we still are a child ourselves. And much worse, to have our hands tied to a very compromising situation..." and I advice the girls that if ever they conceive, they should never force their boyfriends to marry them or to live in the same roof with them. A friend of my girl chum's boyfriend asked, what if I get pregnant, I answered directly without blinking an eye, "I will do what I told my girls to do. Being pregnant doesn't give me an excuse to force a man into marrying me. It's my fault I got pregnant, I must face the consequences," I don't know if it's curiousity or what, he again asked what if the guy propose marriage. I told him that my answer would be a "no". Why? First, I don't want to be married for the sake of the child, it's not the reason why couples wed. Second, I don't want to be blamed in the future by my husband for ending his bachelor days early. And lastly, I don't want to kick my ass for not having a life of my own because I got married ahead of time, I don't want to ask myself for the rest of my life all the "what ifs", and I don't want to miss my soulmate. "You love him, he loves you, that's why you had sex, why not get married?" he nudged. I replied that at our age, we still are not sure of what we truly feel. Maybe it's just our hormones in rampage who do the talking. I even told him that I can have sex without love to any guy I fancies. Which was a mistake. After that conversation a lot of guys started hitting on me, they thought with my "liberated" way of thinking, I'm an easy lay. Well, tough luck!

Anyway, I'm still figuring-out whether this girl friends were offended by what I said and had this urge to prove me wrong in what I believe in. Alas, what I feared for them happened. Can't tell them the cliche "I told you so" because my conscience is bugging me, whispering to me that what happened to them is partly my fault. If I hadn't told them those craziness, they wouldn't be sharing the same fate... Tell me, is befriending me an omen to girls?