My Name Is Sue, But Not Johanson

"Mahilig ako sa sex..."


*chime in my Y!M*

"Gang, problema."

Argh! Why now?! Now taht I'm watching "Liberated"..?! Grrr! This got to be important! Hah! Can't he understand teh "Not At My Desk" status? But hey! He's a close friend...

BUZZ!

Otei, otei, I'm typing... Sheesh!

"What's wrong?"

"I still can't do it and my mom's been pressuring me to give her a grandchild."

Teh same problem since we met three years ago. He can't ejaculate inside his wife's vagina.

Why would you ask me about such things? I'm not a sex therapist...yet. But it's cool, no problem... I'm no longer a minor.
But for heaven's sake! Can't you IM me when I'm not watching something from teh television?

"I'm no doctor, okay? What is it taht you want?"

"I wanted to have a baby too... It's been five years since we're married you know?"

Of course I know. Taht's what our conversations were about for teh past three years in front of cases of beers or bottles of brandies, silly!

"Okay, I know you don't have teh money to have your wife artificially inseminated [by your sperm], soo, why don't you try some experimentation? Why not try to ejaculate in a basin then using a medicine dropper, suck your semen and then insert it inside your wife's vagina, then squeeze your semen, if taht is okay wit her."

"Ahm... Okay, we'll try. Thanks!"

Did he really buy taht? From me? He's got a hell lot of confidence in me, just like teh others who shared and consulted me wit their "problems"! Am I to be proud about it? Sometimes I'm torn between being flattered and offended. Sometimes I feel conscientuous especially when I told things for them to do but then for some reasons it backfired [to them]. Like when I told a bosom buddy taht teh reason she can't orgasm was because she's got lousy guys for lovers and taht maybe she'd hafta find better ones until she reached teh big "O", well taht was really a mistake! She became soo promiscuous just she could have it, unfortunately for her, she never experienced la mort soudaine douce wit her over a dozen lovers. She even tried doing it wit women, alas her pillow's teh only thing taht can give her teh pleasure of climaxing a little. Maybe I just told her taht just soo she could shut her mouth up [telling me how complicated her situation was because aside from not having an orgasm she's also hard to arouse yadda, yadda...], but I still feel responsible ...sort of...for her. But what teh heck! She already know what she's doing, she's a school older than me.

Hayy! Life... Nood na nga ulit ako...


"Bestfriend ko, mas maputi, mas matangkad, mas mayaman, at sabi niya virgin pa siya."



Footnote: I told that friend of mine to use a medicine dropper since a turkey baster is not "uso" in teh Pinas, and cumming in a basin isn't a good idea 'coz the sperms won't live that long outside the vulva, without proper tools/gadgets/equipments, thus needing "Flash" reflexes to perform this one.