A Friend's Story, One of the Factors Behind My Thinking About FUBU's

"I was engaged last year to the most wonderful man I've ever met. He's a gentleman in his own ways and he never demanded sex. He said, 'Why would I spoil the meat that I will later eat?' And I thought it was so sweet of him, he wanted to preserve my chastity until we're married. All was perfect and never did it cross my mind that I would be unfaithful with this guy...

I was on a business trip for two months. There I met this other guy. He was introduced to me by a common friend, and because I can't see anything wrong with me getting to know him more, I became friendly to him. I learned that he had a live-in partner to whom he fathered a son, but things just didn't work out between them that he had to go away. I felt sorry for him because he misses his son so much, he even showed me his son's picture. With him tagging along with us, I got used to his company and I somehow missed him when he's not around.

One misty night, I went to my friend's house but was redirected by her parents to the guy I've met's flat. My girl friend was there with her lover. The poor guy has a fever and yet we started drinking booze and my girl friend's lover got drunk she had to take him home. I decided to go with them but she said she won't be long away, besides, her lover's flat's just across the street. So I agreed to wait for her.

Left alone, we went on with our drinking. We talked about life, our future plans, our regrets and failures, and so on. He got up to get some more ice cubes but he swerved. I immediately came to his aide. I laughed at him and told him he's already drunk he should go to sleep. He said, he doesn't get drunk. Our eyes met, still in each others arms, he started kissing me. I know it's wrong, in my mind I started to push him and resist his kisses, but not my body. One moment we're kissing, and then we're fucking. I didn't notice when he started undressing me, or was it me who took my clothes off, it just happened so spontaneously.

After what happened I promised to myself that I'd never do it again... But promises are really made to be broken. I went to his flat again and did it again and again and again. No words were spoken on where we stand in each others' life. For a month we're just bed partners. For a month, I'm still communicating with my fiance as if nothing's happenning. Then it changed when he fell madly in love with me... He wanted us to become more than bed partners, he wanted us to become more intimate, to be committed to each other. But I can't. I love my fiance. And I still wanted to marry him. I may have been unfaithful to him for fucking another man but it's still him I wanted to grow old with. The other guy's just a passing fancy. Just like what Jean Grey told Logan, 'good men are for marrying, bad men are for playing around'.

I ended up my insanity when I left to go back to the city. I didn't keep in touch with him nor with my girl friend. But he found a way to reach me, and pursued me. He even proposed marriage! I still refused..."