Salacious Delirium

author's note: this is my first time to write an erotica and I wrote it placing myself in a man's shoe.

I turn to my side, facing her.

Ahhh...the woman I chose is here beside me.

She's so close to me I can smell her floral-scented tresses.

I kept my eyes closed, still, remembering how we met and end up in the bed.

I put the weight of my hairy legs on her silken ones,

embraced her soft body, and feel the warmth that it emanates.


I feel her.

She fills me.

She fills the void that once was there...

Slowly, I open my eyes

and the first thing it sees was her full, luscious lips,

that I always wanted to kiss.

I cupped her firm, round, caramel-areolaed left breast with my right hand

and run some butterfly-like touches with my fingertips.

It went taut and my heart skipped a beat, she's real...

I am not dreaming, it's really her.

The woman of my constant reverie...


She stirred in her slumber.

Did I wake her up?

She slightly opened her mouth like Sleeping Beauty

yearning to be kissed by her Prince Charming to break the enchantment,

and I did, only the spell was not broken.

And I hope it never will...

My Name Is Sue, But Not Johanson

"Mahilig ako sa sex..."


*chime in my Y!M*

"Gang, problema."

Argh! Why now?! Now taht I'm watching "Liberated"..?! Grrr! This got to be important! Hah! Can't he understand teh "Not At My Desk" status? But hey! He's a close friend...

BUZZ!

Otei, otei, I'm typing... Sheesh!

"What's wrong?"

"I still can't do it and my mom's been pressuring me to give her a grandchild."

Teh same problem since we met three years ago. He can't ejaculate inside his wife's vagina.

Why would you ask me about such things? I'm not a sex therapist...yet. But it's cool, no problem... I'm no longer a minor.
But for heaven's sake! Can't you IM me when I'm not watching something from teh television?

"I'm no doctor, okay? What is it taht you want?"

"I wanted to have a baby too... It's been five years since we're married you know?"

Of course I know. Taht's what our conversations were about for teh past three years in front of cases of beers or bottles of brandies, silly!

"Okay, I know you don't have teh money to have your wife artificially inseminated [by your sperm], soo, why don't you try some experimentation? Why not try to ejaculate in a basin then using a medicine dropper, suck your semen and then insert it inside your wife's vagina, then squeeze your semen, if taht is okay wit her."

"Ahm... Okay, we'll try. Thanks!"

Did he really buy taht? From me? He's got a hell lot of confidence in me, just like teh others who shared and consulted me wit their "problems"! Am I to be proud about it? Sometimes I'm torn between being flattered and offended. Sometimes I feel conscientuous especially when I told things for them to do but then for some reasons it backfired [to them]. Like when I told a bosom buddy taht teh reason she can't orgasm was because she's got lousy guys for lovers and taht maybe she'd hafta find better ones until she reached teh big "O", well taht was really a mistake! She became soo promiscuous just she could have it, unfortunately for her, she never experienced la mort soudaine douce wit her over a dozen lovers. She even tried doing it wit women, alas her pillow's teh only thing taht can give her teh pleasure of climaxing a little. Maybe I just told her taht just soo she could shut her mouth up [telling me how complicated her situation was because aside from not having an orgasm she's also hard to arouse yadda, yadda...], but I still feel responsible ...sort of...for her. But what teh heck! She already know what she's doing, she's a school older than me.

Hayy! Life... Nood na nga ulit ako...


"Bestfriend ko, mas maputi, mas matangkad, mas mayaman, at sabi niya virgin pa siya."



Footnote: I told that friend of mine to use a medicine dropper since a turkey baster is not "uso" in teh Pinas, and cumming in a basin isn't a good idea 'coz the sperms won't live that long outside the vulva, without proper tools/gadgets/equipments, thus needing "Flash" reflexes to perform this one.

Tatlo

Foreword: My first attempt to write a "short story" na naging mala-Xerex Xaviera dahil naging parang series...

"Tatlo"

Friendster...
Kasalukuyan kong tinitingnan kung sinu-sino sa mga naiwang kaibigan at kakilala ang meron ng account sa Friendster, 'kako makabalita man lamang... Nakita ko marami na sila, maimbita nga... Nang makita ko at mabasa ang profile ng aking naging kaaway noon sa sekondarya... Naalala kong bigla naging kami pala... Hahaha! Tatlong araw... Tatlong araw kaming magkabati, tatlong taon kaming magkaaway...


Pagbabalik-tanaw...
Nasa ika-anim na baitang ako sa elementarya nang lumipat ako ng paaralan. Noon ko siya unang nakilala. 'Di ko siya kaklase, simpleng kaeskwela lang. Libangan na niyang ako ay tuksuhin sa kaklase niyang si Mark, may crush daw kasi sa akin. 'Di ko naman pansin, ano ba ang malay ko sa crush-crush na iyan, ambata-bata ko pa. Linggo, nagkasabay kaming tatlo sa simbahan nang 'di inaasahan. Kasama ni Mark noon ang kanyang Mama at mga kapatid, ako naman, kuya ko, pero nandun siya sa sakristiya, siya naman ay mag-isa. Walanghiya! Sa sobrang kamalasan ko, pareho kaming naka-stripes na orange at grey doon sa hulihan ng simbahan malapit sa labasan. Dadalawa rin lang kami sa upuan, ayaw kasing makitabi ni Mark gawa ng tutuksuhin kami panigurado nung kaklase niyang iyon.

Hayskul nang ang simple niyang panunukso ay nauwi sa pang-aasar, klasmeyt ko na siya noon. 'Di makukumpleto ang isang asignatura nang 'di kami nagbabangayang dalawa. Natutukso tuloy na magkakatuluyan kami balang-araw, pwe! Hitsura niya! Daig pa daw namin ang mga aso't pusa sabi nila, isang araw nabugbog ko pa siya... tsk, tsk, tsk... Nasa ikatlong taon kami noon nang matigil ang aming alitan, "truce" kumbaga... Nanligaw siya sa isang kakilala, tinulungan ko pa siya. Tuwing gabi ako ang taga-katok sa pinto nitong bahay ni babae...

"Good evening po, naandiyan po ba si ______? Maaari po siyang makausap?"

'Pag nasa bahay ang mga magulang ni babae, sasandali silang mag-uusap sa dilim, ako ang look-out. 'Pag ala naman, pumapanhik kami ng bahay, mag-uusap sila sa sala habang nanonood ako ng cartoons sa TV. 'Di naglaon naging sila, pero 'di rin nagtagal, ilang buwan lang, nag-break din sila... Ang siste, nabisto na magkasintahan sila at ayaw ng pamilya ni babae keh lalaki. Doon sa kantina sa harap ng mainit na lugaw at malamig na Coke sila nagpaalam sa isa't isa. Andun ulit ako. Umiyak silang dalawa, nakiiyak din ako... Kakapanghinayang kasi eh! Biro mo si Kulas bumait dahil kay babae... paniguradong bukas-makalawa, asaran na naman ito... sa isip-isip ko... Pero okay lang, sanay na ako. Laking pagtataka ko ng lumipas ang isang buwan na 'di pa rin niya ako inaasar... Mukhang nagbago na talaga ang unggoy...

>>>

Marso 13, katatapos lang namin magpintura ng pader, lumapit siya sa akin, "Tingnan mo nga itong karikaturang ginawa ko, maganda ba?" tanong niya.

"Cute naman" ang tugon ko.

"Ito ang ilalagay kong mural sa pader ng grupo namin. Ikaw, ano sa inyo?" Pinakita ko ang abstrakto na balak ilagay ng grupo. "Ano kaya kung maging tayo?" kanyang turan habang nakatingin sa papel. Napamaang ako siyempre pa. Maging kami? Nasisiraan na ba 'tong tsonggong 'to?

"Ano ka ba. bata pa ako, tsaka ngayon lang tayo nagkasundo at nagsisimulang maging close." Sagot ko na lang. Rasonan ba naman akong bata pa rin naman siya at ang ex niya. Napakamot ako sa ulo at napaisip, oo nga pala, magkaka-batch nga pala kami... Tinanong ko na lang sa kanya kung nasobrahan ba kasisinghot niya ng pintura at namanhid utak niya. Bakit niya naisipan itanong 'yun? Malamang nangi-stir lang siya at nais lang akong i-good time. Seryoso daw siya sa tanong niya, sa totoo lang daw kasi gusto na niya ako noon pang Grade 6 kami. Nagpapapansin lang daw siya kaya niya ako tinutukso lagi, 'yun namang pang-aasar niya, 'di rin naman daw sadya, 'di lang daw talaga niya alam kung paano ako pakikitunguhan kasi napakasuplada ko raw, pilosopa, at haragan, 'di gaya nung ibang babae sa campus. "Ganun?!" pa-kupal kong sagot, pero sa totoo lang kinakabahan ako kasi noon ko lang siya nakausap ng seryoso, madalas kasi nagsisikmatan kami, noon namang tulungan ko siya sa panliligaw 'di rin siya gaanong naimik, puros salamat lang ang nalabas sa bibig.

"Oh ayan hah, inamin ko na sa'yong crush kita, crush mo rin naman ako 'di ba?" Ano daw? Pakiulit? Natulig ata ako doon ah... Nalaglag ang panga ko sa pagtataka. Tiningnan ko siya, nakangiti, hindi ngising-kabayo, genuine. Kinilabutan ako, mukhang sinsero sa pinagsasabi niya (pwera syempre dun sa parteng crush ko siya).

"Ahh... Uhmm... Ano ba mangyayari 'pag naging tayo?" Ano'ng sinabi ko? Bakit 'yun ang lumabas sa mga labi ko?

"Eh 'di 'yung usual na ginagawa ng mag-boypren, ihahatid kita pauwi sa bahay ninyo, kakain tayo sa kantina nang sabay, tulungan sa homeworks at projects, ganun..."

"Ganun lang? Walang HHWW? (holding hands while walking)" Sigurista ako noh!

"Kung ayaw mo 'di wala... Ganun lang." Hmmmnnn... Parang ang simple lang...

"Sige!"

"Halika ihahatid na kita pauwi." Lumabas kaming magka-agapay sa gate ng aming paaralan, pumara siya ng tricycle at inihatid niya ako hanggang sa gate ng aming bahay. Kinagabihan 'di ako mapalagay, gusto ko nang hilahin ang bukas, babawiin ko ang sinabi ko, mali eh!

Kinabukasan, hinanap ko siya kaagad, 'di ko siya mahagilap. Mag-uuwian na nang makasalubong ko siya, kasama niya sila kuya. Patay na!

"'Ne, pag-uwi mo sabihin mo kina tita nagpunta ako kina kuya Neil, nagpapatulong mag-assemble ng mga PC at PS sa bubuksan niyang computer shop eh!" bati ni kuya.

"Ah, oh sige! Penge pamasahe." Tiningnan niya ako at nginitian, 'di ko nagawang suklian. Buwisit! Mag-aantay na lang ulit ako ng bukas.

>>>

March 15, CAT Presentation of the Sponsors, isa ako sa mga first-aiders, siya naman COLT (Cadet Officer Leadership Trainee), utusan at photographer ng mga opisyal sa brigada at unang batalyon. Masyado kaming abala pareho. Nagliligpit na kami nang lapitan niya ako sa booth namin. Nakitulong siya sa pagbubuhat ng mga upuan. Isinasalansan namin ang mga upuan sa loob ng gymnasium nang magbukas ako ng usapan. "Nagbibiruan lang tayo nung isang araw 'di ba?" Napamaang siya. "Hindi mo naman siguro sineryoso 'yung mga sagot ko?" Tinitigan lang niya ako, 'di siya nagsalita. Shit! Kagagahan ko talaga oo! 'Di ko siya matingnan nang tuwid, nakokonsensiya ako... Kung bakit ba naman kasi ganun ang naisagot ko noong isang araw eh! Epekto siguro ng pintura...

"Nagbibiro din ako." Pucha! Anlamig nang boses niya, gininaw ako sa sagot niya. 'Di na ulit kami nag-usap hanggang magbakasyon.

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Bakasyon, Summer Bridge Program ng UP LAWOD Ugnayan ng Pahinungod sa paaralan namin. Umattend kami sampu ng aming mga ka-eskwela na ga-gradweyt nang taong iyon. Ewan kung nagpapa-cute siya o talagang umiral lang ang katamaran niya, ipinakilagay niya sa backpack ko ang Mathematics Manual Reviewer niya at notebook, nakipag-kompromiso pa na ise-share niya ang kanyang Mathematics Manual Reviewer kung ise-share ko ang aking English Manual Reviewer sa kanya. Limitado lang kasi ang bilang ng mga manuals sa English at Math, sa Science naman, photocopies lang ang dinistribute pero hati pa rin, napunta sa'kin ang Astronomy, Health Science, Earth Science, at Biology, kanya ang Chemistry at Physics, kaya ang siste, share ulit kami. Wala namang problema sa akin, buti nga iyon may taga-bitbit ako ng bag. Maayos na ulit ang pakikiyungo niya sa akin, 'di na malamig. Nagbibiruan na kami. Minsan kahit bag na pambabae ang dala ko siya pa rin ang nagbibitbit, wala siyang kiber sa tingin ng iba. Minsan pa nga hinalungkat niya ang bag ko at ginamit ang suklay ko at hairband, tawa ako ng tawa noon, hiniling pa niya sa akin na kung maaari ko daw ba siyang lagyan ng cutex sa kuko at kung meron akong pressed-powder at lipstick gaya ng ibang kaklase namin ay dalhin ko rin daw. Kahit na nagtataas ang isa kong kilay pinagbigyan ko siya, kinulayan ko ng itim ang mga kuko niya sa kamay, nilagyan ko ng lipstick ang talukap ng kanyang mga mata at pisngi (siya na kasi ang naglagay sa kanyang mga labi), noon ko napansin cute naman pala siya. Kumakain kami noon ng Piattos sa mini park ng campus, nakade-kwatro siya na parang babae at nagkukwento ng kung anu-anong kalokohan habang ako naman ay tawa ng tawa sa mga kwentong-kuchero niya at hitsura niya nang bigla siyang tumuwid sa pagkakaupo at sinabi niya sa aking nagagalak siyang malaman na napapatawa niya ako. Nakakaaliw daw akong pagmasdan at pakinggan habang tumatawa dahil nawawala ang aking mga mata at mayroong kung ano daw sa aking mga tawa na napakasarap sa tenga. Tulad noon, 'di ko dinibdib ang mga sinabi niya. Patapos na ang SBP nang alukin ako ni Tempo (temporary Corps Commander) na maging sponsor niya, umoo naman ako. Kinabukasan, nawala ang manual reviewer namin sa Math, siyempre ako ang sinisi niya. Burara daw ako. Nagsimula na naman ang pang-iinis niya sa akin...

>>>

Nakahanda na ako sa pang-iinis na gagawin niya sa akin... Pero 'di ko napaghandaan ang below the belt na pag-atake niya. Bisperas ng huling araw ng SBP namin, mayroong kauinting programa at harutan, kasalukuyan kaming nagbabatuhang lahat (kasama ang mga UP students-SBP facilitators na alumni ng aming paaralan) ng lobo na mayroong tubig sa loob nang bigla niya akong batuhin ng condom na may "leche", buti na lamang at nakaiwas ako, tumama sa sanga ang ibinato niyang yaon, siyempre pa nabutas, pucha ambaho! Ganun pala ang amoy noon, nakakarinde! Nagdilim ang paningin ko at hinabol ko siya, pinicharahan at tinutukan ng beinte-nueve nang maabutan. "Putangina! Ambabait ng mga magulang mong hayup ka napakabalasubas mo!"

"Baka itulak ka ng demonyo, masaksak mo ako, biro lang."

"Ngingisi-ngisi ka pa! Pakiusapan mo ang kapwa mo na huwag akong itulak!" Walang umawat sa amin noon, lahat natuod sa bilis ng pangyayari. Binitiwan ko rin siya nang mareyalisa kong hindi dugo niya ang katapat ng buhay ko sa bilangguan.

>>>

Pasukan. Magkikita at magkikita kami, magsasalpukan at magsasalpukan pa rin kami, pero 'di ko siya papansinin. Sabi ko sa aking sarili. Kumandidato siya pagka-senador sa Pinakamataas na Pamunuan ng mga Mag-aaral sa aming paaralan, ka-tiket siya ng malapit kong kaibigan na kumakandidato naman bilang presidente, ako ang kanilang campaign manager. Civil lang kami sa isa't isa, bad publicity kung mag-aaway kami ng mga oras na iyon dahil nga eleksyon. Nanalo ang aming presidente, natalo siya. Sa victory party inanunsiyo ng bagong-halal na presidente ang magiging miyembro ng kanyang kabinete, kasama kami sa listahan. Napabuntonhininga ako, magkakasama pa rin kami sa mga proyekto...

Kinalunesan, bumalik kaming dalawa sa Guidance Office pagkatapos ng dalawang-taong pahinga sa pagpasok doon araw-araw noong kami ay nasa unang taon, ang dahilan, fraternity. Noon pa isyu ang fraternities sa paaralan, lumala lang noong nasa ikaapat na taon na kami dahil ang frat ay para ng naging gang. Ipinatawag ng Guidance Counselor ang lahat ng mga estudyante na kasali sa frat at ang kanilang mga magulang. Hindi ako kasapi ng anumang kapatiran pero marami akong mga kabatak mula sa iba't ibang fraternities, nandoon ako sa kuwartong iyon para lamang mag-usyoso heheheh! Hindi biro lang... Nandoon ako dahil alam ng mga guro na halos lahat ng mga kaibigan ko ay frat members at dahil mula sa iba't ibang kapatiran, ang iba ay magkakaaway, minsan na akong umawat sa mga kaibigan ko kasi, tagapamagitan ako kumbaga. Doon nakita ko na naman siyang umiyak. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa natauhan siya sa sinabi ng Guidance Counselor at Principal o dahil hindi siya sinipot ng kanyang mga magulang, na kapagtataka dahil guro sa paaralan namin ang kanyang ina.

>>>

Lumipas ang ilang buwan, siya na naman ang naging tampulan ng chismis. Nahuli daw siya at ang bago niyang girlfriend na nagse-sex sa swimming pool ng paaralan. Present na naman ako noong magbreak silang dalawa. Iniyakan ako ni babae noon ng iniyakan, nanay daw ni lalaki ang nagkalat ng chismis dahil ayaw sa kanya, mayroong kasing alitan ang tita ni babae at nanay ni lalaki na parehong titser sa aming paaralan. At may reputasyon itong si babae na "playgirl" at "easy to get". Kung alam lang niya na kaya lang siya ginelpren ni lalaki ay para lamang matikman siya, ni hindi nga natigatig si lalaki nung humagulhol siya eh!

Sembreak ng mga college alumni, natapat sa screening ng mga sponsors. Buti na lang! May magchi-cheer sa akin! Iinterbyuhin na kami at bibigyan ng ranggo kasabay ng mga opisyal. Nasa snackhouse kami ng mga kabarkada ni kuya, dumating siya kasama ng isang kaklase, nang-iintriga.

"Pare, usap-usapan sa loob si Sue daw magiging sponsor mo."

"Magku-quit ako sa pagiging officer 'pag nangyari 'yun. Kahit pa ako ang maging Provost Marshall."

'Di ko malaman kung maiinis ako o matatawa sa kanya, ang payat-payat kaya niya para maging Provost Marshall. Pero mabilis ang mga kasama ko, tinabla siya kaagad. "Masyado pang maaga para managinip ka totoy, o baka naman gusto mong patulugin ka namin?" 'Di siya naka-ik, anlaking tao kaya nung nanabla sa kanya, dumating pa ang ex-COCC, kaya umalis na lang siya. Pagkatapos ng sembreak sa akin siya gumanti, tahimik akong nakaupo sa "batibot" (sementadong upuan na nakapalibot sa puno) kasama ng ilang kaklase nang bigla niya akong sinigawan, "Huwag ka nang magma- linis Sue, natira ka na Bagumbayan!" 'Di ko malaman kung magre-retaliate ako, gusto ko pero nangingi- nig ang buong katawan ko sa sobrang galit, ramdam ko ang pamumula ko mula bumbunan ahnggang talampakan pati na ang pangangapal at pag-iinit ng aking mga pisngi dahil sa galit at pagkapahiya. Nang mga oras na yaon sukdol hanggang langit ang nararamdaman kong pagkamuhi para sa kanya. Kinabukasan umugong ang mga balita, binugbog siya ng ilang mga frat members na kabatak ko. Nadinig kasi nila ang isinigaw niyang iyon na nakakababa ng dignidad at pagkatao. Si Jaylourd pa naman na kasalukuyang presidente ng Alpha Kappa Rho ay matindi ang pagpapahalaga sa mga kababaihan. Hindi takot sa kamatayan ang taong iyon at walang inaat- rasang laban, isa lang ang kahinaan niya, kung kahinaan mang maituturing, malambot ang puso niya sa mga babae. Mula noon sa mga tenga ko na lamang niya pinaririnig ang mga masasakit at malalaswang salita niya.

>>>

Christmas break noon, niyaya siya ni kuya sa bahay kasama ng ilang kaklase at ka-batch namin para maglaro ng playstation. Ginabi na sila sa bahay, doon na sila naghapunan. Bandang alas-diyes nang tawagan ni kuya ang nanay niya para ipagpaalam na doon magpapalipas ng gabi ang kanyang anak. Naging estudyante ng nanay niya si kuya, pati kami, at tiwala ito sa amin. Kinaumagahan, hindi pa natutuyo ang hamog sa mga halaman ay umalis na siya. Kahit na nagtataka ako kung bakit para siyang nagmamadali eh binuksan ko pa rin ang gate namin nang hindi nag-uurirat. Nag-aalmusal kami ng malaman ko ang dahilan, ka-share pala niya sa kwarto ang isang baklang kaibigan. Loko talaga si kuya! Kaya pala nanlalalim ang mga mata nitong si Kulas at nangngalumata! Kawawang Kulas...

Patapos na ang taon nang ipinatawag ako ng nanay niya. Nabalitaan daw na ang kanyang anak at ilan pa naming mga ka-batch ay nanonood ng adult videos, itatanong lang daw niya kung may alam ako dahil lagi nang nasa bahay sila. Kahit pa totoong nanonood sila sa bahay pagkaminsan ay pinahindian ko, 'kako laro lang ng playstation ipinupunta nila sa bahay. Tiningnan ako ng tuwid sa mga mata ng nanay niya, inaaninag marahil kung totoo ng sinasabi ko, kahit nako-konsensiya, pinilit kong tingnan din siya ng tuwid. Naniwala naman siguro dahil sinabi niya, "Sue, ikaw na ang bahala sa anak ko hah" pagkatapos. Nabingi ako at tumango na lang kahit 'di ko lubos na naintindihan ang sinabi niyang iyon...

>>>

Bakasyon. Prusisyon noon, at sa gitna ng ng mga santo't kandila, ako'y kanyang ipinahiya. Para na raw akong inahing baboy sa laki ng aking hinaharap. Hah!

Tatlong taon ang matuling lumipas. Sa tatlong taon na iyon, wala kaming komunikasyon... Natural, sa Maynila ako nag-aral at siya naman ay sa Legaspi City, akala ko 'di na muling magku-krus ang aming mga landas, pero palabiro talaga ang tadhana.

Nobyembre 3, kaarawan niya. Nagkasabay kami sa lantsa patungong Pilar, Sorsogon. Papunta akong Albay noon para makipag-business meeting at plano kong umuwi rin sa amin kinahapunan, hahabulin ko ang huling biyahe ng mga lantsa. Nagkatabi kami sa upuan. Binati niya ako at kinumusta, ganun din ang ginawa ko. Hindi siya humingi ng tawad sa mga pinagsasabi niya noon, basta na lamang siya nakipaghuntahan sa akin. Wala namang kaso sa akin 'yun. Nabanggit ko sa kanyang hindi ako marunong sa pasikut-sikot ng Legaspi at Albay kaya tinanong ko siya ng mga direksyon at kung anong dyip ang sasakyan ko para makarating sa pupuntahan ko.
"Kung gusto mo sasamahan na lang kita," aniya. Hmmmnn... Mas mabuti 'yun... naisip ko kaya umoo ako.

Dumaan muna kami sa apartment na tinutuluyan nilang mag-kuya bago niya ako sinamahan gaya ng sinabi niya. Alas-tres ng hapon, muli niya akong hinatid patungong Pilar, Sorsogon, medyo umuulan na noon. Malakas na ang ulan at hangin nang makarating kami sa piyer ng Pilar at wala na ring lantsang bi-biyahe patungo sa amin dahil sa lakas ng hangin. Mayroong maaaring arkilahin pero bukod sa triple ang presyo ay maliliit pa ang mga katig ng bangkang iyon kaya hindi na lamang ako tumuloy. Bumiyahe kaming dalawa pabalik ng Legaspi, inalok niyang doon na lamang ako magpalipas ng gabi sa apartment nila. Maaari akong umupa na lamang ng silid sa mga otel pero sumang-ayon na rin ako na dumoon sa kanila, makakatipid pa ako.

Pagdating namin sa apartment nila, inabutan namin ang mga kaibigan niya at ng kanyang kapatid na naghahanda ng hapag upang ipagdiwang ang kanyang kaarawan. Nakahanda na rin ang mga kaha ng serbesa at sigarilyo. Mapapasubo pa ako ng inuman nito. Maya-maya dumating ang bestfriend ng kapatid niya na si Aiza, na ka-share din nila sa apartment, kasama ang bestfriend ko na boyfriend niya. Magdamag kaming nag-inuman, at syempre 'di maiiwasan ang tuksuhan.

"Ate, kung halimbawang manligaw sa'yo si kuya, may pag-asa ba s'ya?" Tanong ng kapatid niya sa akin. "Boto naman sa'yo si mama kung magiging kayo ate eh," hirit pa nito.

"Hoy Paul, tigilan mo ang pang-iintriga mo, uminom ka na lang" saway niya sa kapatid, pero hindi ito nagpasaway pati ang ibang mga nandoon ay nakitukso na rin, pati bestfriend ko, mga nakainom na kasi eh. Buti walang nagkapikunan. Ni isa sa mga bisita walang nakauwi pabalik sa kanilang mga boarding houses dahil sa sobrang lakas ng ulan at kalasingan, kaya para kaming mga sardinas na nagsiksikan sa pagtulog. Lima kaming umukopa ng banig, ako, siya, kapatid niya, si Aiza, at ang bestfriend ko. Napapagitnaan nila ako ng bestfriend ko at napapagitnaan naman si Aiza ng bestfriend ko at ni Paul. "Sue, sorry kung nasaktan kita noon..." bulong niya bago siya pumikit...


Friendster...
May bago na ulit girlfriend si "Kulas" aking napag-alaman. Hanggang ngayon nagda-dalawang isip pa rin ako kung iimbitahin ko siya o hindi na. Baka kasi may masira akong relasyon 'pag nagkataon. Maaaring napa-praning lang ako ngayon dahil sariwa pa rin sa alaala ko ang mga salita niyang binitiwan... "Napakabait mo..." hinawakan niya ang kanang kamay ko ng kaliwa niya at iniyakap naman niya ang kanyang kanang braso sa akin. "Kaya naman ikaw ang pinakamamahal ko... "

AngatZzz!!!

dated May 29. 2004

11 AM, my mom just arrive from her work. Tired and sleepy, she asked me to drive to KFC drive-thru to buy something to eat. Having no driver's license yet, she went with me but slept on the passenger seat.

drive-thru speakerbox: good morning! what would you want for today?
me: can I just have your 3-piece chicken combo meal and your chicken popcorn combo meal?
drive-thru speakerbox: how would you like your chicken, original or crispy?
me: crispy
drive-thru speakerbox: okay. what side dishes would you like to have?
me: 2 corn cobs for the 3-piece combo and mojos for the chicken popcorn please.
drive-thru speakerbox: okay, have a nice day!

At the drive-thru window mom told me to change the side dishes, corn cobs to coleslaws, and mojos to mashed potatoes. So I asked the guy there to change it. He just said "okay", asked me if I wanted Pepsi or other kind of soda, I said Pepsi's fine, and gave me the bag. Afterwards he gave me another bag and told me my bill's $11.05. Gave him 20 bucks and he gave me my change, which I didn't bother to count. On our way home, my mom counted the change and was surprised to see a 5-dollar bill, 3 dollar bills, and 8 quarters, which means, we just paid for the food without any tax. I thought, that guy was stupid to mistook the quarter for 5 cents.

When we got home and opened the bag, we found out that the corn cobs and mojos were not replaced, and yet we still have our mashed potatoes and coleslaws. That guy's so stupid to our benefit, I told my mom. She said, maybe he was mesmerized [by me]. I was about to laugh when I noticed something... I was still wearing my usual sleeping garment! Damn! That explains why the guy from KFC's distracted. I was so embarassed... I went out wearing only a plain white cotton shirt, which was dampened by the splashes of water from brushing my teeth and washing my face, and my "boy's" underpants, and my mom haven't noticed it too until we got home and I realized what was wrong!

There I was, laughing in my mind, making fun of that "stupid" guy, when all along it was ME who's stupid...

A Friend's Story, One of the Factors Behind My Thinking About FUBU's

"I was engaged last year to the most wonderful man I've ever met. He's a gentleman in his own ways and he never demanded sex. He said, 'Why would I spoil the meat that I will later eat?' And I thought it was so sweet of him, he wanted to preserve my chastity until we're married. All was perfect and never did it cross my mind that I would be unfaithful with this guy...

I was on a business trip for two months. There I met this other guy. He was introduced to me by a common friend, and because I can't see anything wrong with me getting to know him more, I became friendly to him. I learned that he had a live-in partner to whom he fathered a son, but things just didn't work out between them that he had to go away. I felt sorry for him because he misses his son so much, he even showed me his son's picture. With him tagging along with us, I got used to his company and I somehow missed him when he's not around.

One misty night, I went to my friend's house but was redirected by her parents to the guy I've met's flat. My girl friend was there with her lover. The poor guy has a fever and yet we started drinking booze and my girl friend's lover got drunk she had to take him home. I decided to go with them but she said she won't be long away, besides, her lover's flat's just across the street. So I agreed to wait for her.

Left alone, we went on with our drinking. We talked about life, our future plans, our regrets and failures, and so on. He got up to get some more ice cubes but he swerved. I immediately came to his aide. I laughed at him and told him he's already drunk he should go to sleep. He said, he doesn't get drunk. Our eyes met, still in each others arms, he started kissing me. I know it's wrong, in my mind I started to push him and resist his kisses, but not my body. One moment we're kissing, and then we're fucking. I didn't notice when he started undressing me, or was it me who took my clothes off, it just happened so spontaneously.

After what happened I promised to myself that I'd never do it again... But promises are really made to be broken. I went to his flat again and did it again and again and again. No words were spoken on where we stand in each others' life. For a month we're just bed partners. For a month, I'm still communicating with my fiance as if nothing's happenning. Then it changed when he fell madly in love with me... He wanted us to become more than bed partners, he wanted us to become more intimate, to be committed to each other. But I can't. I love my fiance. And I still wanted to marry him. I may have been unfaithful to him for fucking another man but it's still him I wanted to grow old with. The other guy's just a passing fancy. Just like what Jean Grey told Logan, 'good men are for marrying, bad men are for playing around'.

I ended up my insanity when I left to go back to the city. I didn't keep in touch with him nor with my girl friend. But he found a way to reach me, and pursued me. He even proposed marriage! I still refused..."

Bed Partners, Anyone?

I was rummaging our garage when I stumbled upon this old ish of a women's mag. And since I love to read I (literally) picked it up and began reading it. There was this article that really triggered my curiosity, it's about having bed partners or as I would bluntly put it, fuck buddies (fubu's for short). In the said article, they interviewed women (and men) having one or two (some, more) bed partners. The writer pointed out that these so-called bed partners are those persons you would only have sex with everytime you feel the urge to do so and there's no strings attached between the two of you nor there's any form of commitment and relationship, just plain fuck mates. now, why would anyone want that kind of relationship? I think it's a sick idea. but to some people, it's convenient, especially for those who are noncommittal.

As I watched the movie Intimacy, I theorized that having this kind of thing brings far more complications than having a steady girlfriend/boyfriend of whom you are engaged to and where love is a two-way traffic. Why? because in the long run, one is bound to fall for the other...and it will be difficult and unfair for the part of the "loving" one when his/her feelings were not reciprocated. And what if one or both have families of their own? This liaison will only destroy both their lives, right?

The Curse of Being My Girl Friend

It's been two days and still I can't sleep soundly. My aunt called and told me that one of my two closest female first cousins is pregnant. I dreamt of her french-kissing me one night, just like what I dreamt of when my other close cousin and close girl friends got pregnant... The minute I woke up, I knew something was wrong. Strange... It seems like every girl I get close to ended up getting theirselves pregnant, is it a curse or mere coincidence?

I barely have girl friends to begin with, because most of them are guys. And unfortunately, all of them share the same fate, they all were impregnated at the very young age. Half of them had an abortion, others had a miscarriage, some ran after the fathers of their children and forced them (the guys) to marry them (my girl friends), and the rest carried the burden alone...

Until now, I'm still debating myself whether I was partly to be blamed for their stupidity or not. I always tell them, both girl and guy friends, "If you're going to do it, do it safely. And I mean use some condoms and contraceptive medications safe! We are all not ready to shoulder such responsibility to rear and upbring a child because we still are a child ourselves. And much worse, to have our hands tied to a very compromising situation..." and I advice the girls that if ever they conceive, they should never force their boyfriends to marry them or to live in the same roof with them. A friend of my girl chum's boyfriend asked, what if I get pregnant, I answered directly without blinking an eye, "I will do what I told my girls to do. Being pregnant doesn't give me an excuse to force a man into marrying me. It's my fault I got pregnant, I must face the consequences," I don't know if it's curiousity or what, he again asked what if the guy propose marriage. I told him that my answer would be a "no". Why? First, I don't want to be married for the sake of the child, it's not the reason why couples wed. Second, I don't want to be blamed in the future by my husband for ending his bachelor days early. And lastly, I don't want to kick my ass for not having a life of my own because I got married ahead of time, I don't want to ask myself for the rest of my life all the "what ifs", and I don't want to miss my soulmate. "You love him, he loves you, that's why you had sex, why not get married?" he nudged. I replied that at our age, we still are not sure of what we truly feel. Maybe it's just our hormones in rampage who do the talking. I even told him that I can have sex without love to any guy I fancies. Which was a mistake. After that conversation a lot of guys started hitting on me, they thought with my "liberated" way of thinking, I'm an easy lay. Well, tough luck!

Anyway, I'm still figuring-out whether this girl friends were offended by what I said and had this urge to prove me wrong in what I believe in. Alas, what I feared for them happened. Can't tell them the cliche "I told you so" because my conscience is bugging me, whispering to me that what happened to them is partly my fault. If I hadn't told them those craziness, they wouldn't be sharing the same fate... Tell me, is befriending me an omen to girls?

Scouting for Boys

5 years ago I joined the Boy Scouts of the Philippines in preparation for my joining in the Rover Scouting, the Service Section of the Scouting Movement, 2 years from then. Even if it's not mandatory to be in the Boy Scouting Movement before entering Rover Scouting, I still believe that having an experience may do me good.

In the movement, I have to understand and agree to live by the Scout Oath (In my honor, I will do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.), the Scout Law (A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent), the Scout Motto (BE PREPARED. In whatever comes your way and in meeting the challenges in your life.), and the Scout Slogan (DO A GOOD TURN DAILY. Do helpful acts of kindness quietly, without boasting, and without expecting reward or pay). Doing AT LEAST ONE GOOD TURN every day is a normal part of a Scout's life, whether it's just helping set the table or saving a drowning person, it doesn't matter.

Being a senior scout was a tiring yet overwhelming experience as I went camping, mountain hiking, and tree planting to earn my badges. My gender was not an issue in my troop because as far as Lord Robert Stephenson Smyth Baden-Powell was concerned, "Everything on two legs who calls itself a boy has God within him.." and I don't mind being one of the boys neither. What they can do, I can too! Except to pee with 5 others in our kaybo (camping toilet) at the same time 'coz it's really physically impossible... I was already a Philippine Red Cross volunteer first aider that time, so I didn't have to undergo the training anymore, and was one of the first aid volunteer trainors for the whole troop. After a year, I became a Sea Scout. I was trained by the Philippine Coast Guards themselves to help save a drowning person. They even called us the "Junior Coast Guards". Finally, I turned 16, I can therefore become a Rover Scout!

The day after my birthday, I had my "vigil" (the Rover-to-be considers how their life is going and if they want to make the commitment to becoming a Rover) and started my Squire Training. After 6 months of being a Squire, I had my "investiture" (a ceremony where a member of the public or a scout is inducted into the Rover Crew). Unfortunately, it was my last year in high school, but as the song goes, "save the best for last", I gave my all to do my sworn duty as a
Rover(ette) - SERVICE. I, together with the rest of the troop, helped our community by cleaning the polluted seaport and outreaching to the poor and needy within the 3 remaining months of my high school life.

As of today, I am not a registered rover(ette) anymore, nor a registered boy scout, but I still live my life as boy scouts do.

My Muslim Father

From the kitchen sink, washing the dishes, she heard her cellphone's personalized message alert tone ring.
Who could that be? I hope it's a good news from home...
Even if her fingers were itching to open it, she resisted the urge and continued doing her chore.

1 message received

#####Opening#####

message: "Assalamualaikum!"

That brief message made her smile. He remembers her and doesn't mind spending Php 15 for that "sms". He didn't forget the teenage inquisitive girl who lived with them for a week just so she could write her baby thesis about the Muslims and Islamic culture and traditions. He didn't forget his agnostic chinky-eyed daughter.

And she remembers him. Her Muslim "father". Datu Mangayao to his people, Papa Mike to this girl. The message triggered the memories she had, the days she spent living with them.

For a week, she woke up at 5AM, observing as the family get ready for their first sallah at 6AM. It amused her as they clean themselves while reciting something she can't comprehend. She enjoyed wearing mahlong and putong just like all the other women in that village. The bamboo catwalk scared her wits as she walked there to get to the masquit, only to be disappointed because she can't go inside for she didn't shave down there, and didn't want to too. She read some of the Islamic books lent to her with enthusiasm. She learned that Muslims and Catholics share almost the same faith. Almost. She was disgusted by some of their traditions, the drinking of the water used to wash a dead man's body, but was later relieved when she was told it was no longer being practiced. She was annoyed by their sexist culture. She's a feminist. She can't bear the thought of her friend, the Datu's daughter, being decapitated for having a Christian boyfriend, for having sex with him, and for having an abortion. It's a disgrace to their clan. A dishonor, when a Muslim girl have an amorous relationship with a non-Muslim guy whilst it's not if a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman. That's why her mouth's zipped and she knows nothing when asked. It irritated her when women in the family have to wait for the men to finish eating before they can eat. The Datu's family were nice and very hospitable and accommodating to her, she doesn't despise them, she loathes their gender discrimination, their bigotry. She loves her Muslim extended family.

The girl replied to him by typing the first sentence she learned in Muslim. It doesn't have anything to do with being glad or anything like that, it's a profession of faith for the Muslims, but for the Datu and the girl, it has a hidden message saying, "I never fail to remember Papa Mike..."

message: "Ashadu Allah illaha ilallah wa ashadu annan Muhammaden rassoulullah"

Message Sent!